When you distance yourself or go no-contact with a narcissist, their reaction can be surprisingly intense. Narcissists are known for their shocking behavior, but when you step back from the toxic relationship, especially for the first time, the backlash can be even more dramatic. Though breaking away is a healthy and empowering choice, navigating the fallout can be challenging due to the narcissist’s destructive tendencies.
But even before that, in narcissistically abusive relationships, silent treatment, stonewalling, and ghosting are common manipulation tactics embedded in the abuse cycle. Narcissists can give you the cold shoulder, use silent treatment, stonewall, or outright ghost you—and that’s okay in their minds. But if you ignore them, it’s against their rules. That’s their classic “rules for thee, but not for me” mindset.
In any relationship, stonewalling can feel like the emotional equivalent of cutting off someone’s oxygen. The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive behavior where a toxic individual communicates a negative message to their target through nonverbal means, often only recognizable to the perpetrator and the target. It goes unnoticed by others, which works perfectly for the narcissist.
To be clear, this manipulation tactic is used to maintain the upper hand in the relationship. When a narcissist gives you the silent treatment, it is meant to devalue you, send a clear message, and hurt you deeply. They want you to feel invisible and worthless. Furthermore, it also serves as a way to manipulate and control you. The primary purpose of the silent treatment is to provoke an emotional reaction, forcing you to try to win back their favor, attention, and approval.
Sharing is caring!
Narcissists assume you’ll be as bothered by their passive-aggressive tactics as they would be if the roles were reversed. And when you’re not phased—when you don’t react—they escalate. Narcissists are predictable. Once you recognize the pattern and understand that you’re caught in an abuse cycle, it’s important to accept that this toxic behavior isn’t going to change. If things seem to improve, it’s only temporary, as you’re being manipulated.
So, what happens when you ignore the narcissist entirely? Well, they hate it. Even if they try to hide it, ignoring them inspires deeply negative emotions. Why? Because narcissists are addicted to being seen as special. And nothing tells them they’re not special more clearly than being ignored. They also need to feel in control, and ignoring them demonstrates that they have no power over you. This is something they can’t stand.
People with a destructive narcissistic personality pattern lack personal power, no matter how things may seem on the surface. Exposing this lack of power is painful for them. Their sense of self-importance shatters when they realize they can’t control, dominate, or manipulate you. Ignoring them entirely may also trigger their deep-seated insecurities, fears, shame, and abandonment issues—especially in covert narcissists.
Sharing is caring!
When you ignore them, all of their disowned insecurities will surface, and you may find yourself dealing with a narcissist throwing a full-blown emotional tantrum. In such moments, it’s vital to protect yourself and those who might be vulnerable.
Rejecting a narcissist is a huge blow to their fragile ego, no matter how well they mask it. Overt or covert, both types of narcissists are detached from their true selves. The slightest hint of rejection or abandonment triggers them, potentially resulting in narcissistic injury and rage.
More than anything, when you ignore a narcissist, you cut off their source of narcissistic supply—your attention and emotional reactions to their toxic behavior. When you starve them of this supply, they may become enraged and escalate their attempts to get your attention, often in abusive ways. They may also lash out at you through angry texts, voicemails, and insults. It’s crucial to not take this personally—they’re projecting their own flaws onto you.
If this resonates with you and you feel the need to heal, you might benefit from my eight-week transformational coaching program, The Freedom Class. There’s a link in the description below if you’d like to apply for a free one-on-one consultation with me or a member of my team.
In conclusion, ignoring a narcissist is one of the most effective ways to sever ties with them permanently. But be prepared for their retaliation and attempts to reel you back in. They may guilt-trip, shame, flatter, love-bomb, or lie to get you to comply. Remember, they are experts at twisting narratives to serve their purposes.
Stay strong, stay safe, and remember: words are easy. Pay attention to behavior, not words, and stop falling for manipulative tactics when the two don’t match. You deserve better. Ignoring the narcissist entirely will eventually force them to find another source of narcissistic supply, leaving you in peace—and that, my friend, is a beautiful thing.
Sharing is caring!
