Narcissists often rely on texting as a key tool to maintain control over you and secure a constant flow of attention and validation, especially when they can’t be physically present. Through their often strange and manipulative texting habits, they work to keep you under their thumb. In this article, we’ll explore five weird texting behaviors narcissists use to exert control, leaving you confused and emotionally drained.
1. They Text You Whenever They Want – Demanding Constant Attention
One of the most frustrating habits of a narcissist is texting you incessantly, at any time they please, without any regard for your boundaries or schedule. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a meeting, spending time with loved ones, or even asleep—what matters to the narcissist is keeping your attention focused on them at all times.
Why? A narcissist believes they own you. They expect your attention, and any time spent away from them feels like a betrayal in their eyes. This constant demand can leave you feeling anxious and hooked to your phone, always on edge, waiting for the next message. Early in the relationship, this intense texting might seem flattering, but it’s really a way for the narcissist to trap you. Once you’re hooked, they often shift gears, leaving you in an anxious state, craving the attention they once gave so freely.
2. They Make You Feel Ignored by Not Responding
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Equally perplexing, a narcissist may often be online, actively texting others, while ignoring your messages. This behavior is deliberate—it’s a way to make you feel unimportant and question your worth. When you send a message and see that they’re online, but they don’t respond, it can be infuriating.
This calculated ignorance sends a clear message: they don’t value you as much as you value them. In the early stages of the relationship, they might have been very responsive, but now, they deliberately withhold attention, creating a dynamic where you start questioning yourself: “What did I do wrong? Why aren’t they responding?” This devaluation tactic is designed to keep you begging for attention, constantly trying to fix yourself to win back their interest.
3. Exploitative Sexting
Narcissists often turn to sexting as another manipulative tactic. While consensual sexting can be healthy in a relationship, with a narcissist, it happens way too early and feels forced. They may send you provocative images or suggestive messages soon after meeting, expecting you to engage without considering your feelings or boundaries.
You might find yourself participating, only to later feel degraded or ashamed, especially once the narcissist starts devaluing you. Sexting becomes a tool they use to exert control and diminish your self-worth. Narcissists are notorious for using multiple people for validation through sexting, collecting attention in the form of explicit content, and then dropping those individuals when they’ve had their fill.
4. Rare, Heartfelt Conversations – But There’s a Catch
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Occasionally, a narcissist will throw you off balance with what seems like a genuine, heartfelt conversation. These moments often come at a time when you’re on the verge of giving up on them, leaving you confused and thinking, “Maybe they’re not that bad after all.”
These rare instances of wit and connection feel so fulfilling that they keep you hanging on, craving that emotional intensity again. But the truth is, these conversations usually have a hidden motive. Perhaps they want something from you, or they’re trying to prevent you from leaving. Narcissists know how to use these moments to reinforce trauma bonds, making it harder for you to escape the relationship.
5. They Leave You Hanging – The Push-Pull Game
One of the most maddening habits of a narcissist is leaving you hanging after sending a brief, empty message. They may text you early in the morning with a simple “Good morning,” but when you respond, they vanish without continuing the conversation.
This push-pull dynamic is a way for the narcissist to test if they still have control over you. By sending these random, shallow texts, they see if you’ll respond immediately, and when you do, they derive satisfaction from knowing you’re still hooked. But instead of following up, they pull away, leaving you feeling confused and powerless. The cycle repeats itself over and over, driving you to the brink of emotional exhaustion.
Narcissistic texting patterns can have a profound impact on your mental and emotional well-being. These habits—constant attention-seeking, making you feel ignored, exploitative sexting, rare heartfelt conversations, and the push-pull game—are all tools they use to control, manipulate, and devalue you.
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