For some narcissists, especially those with more malignant tendencies, birthdays aren’t just about validation—they’re about power. These individuals might reject birthday celebrations altogether, claiming they don’t want to be reminded of getting older or that they find birthdays trivial. But if you take them at their word and skip the festivities, they’ll twist it into a new opportunity to gaslight you.
No matter how you approach it, the narcissist will find a way to make their birthday a point of contention. If you plan a party, it will never be good enough. If you buy a gift, it will always be too small, too big, or just wrong. Even a simple “happy birthday” can be turned into a slight if it’s not said with the right tone or enthusiasm.
How to Handle a Narcissist’s Birthday
If you have a narcissistic person in your life, birthdays are one of those minefields you’ll have to navigate carefully. The best advice I can give is to set clear boundaries and manage your expectations. Don’t go overboard trying to get everything “right”—because, frankly, you won’t. Let others handle the bulk of the birthday wishes, and remember that it’s okay to protect your own emotional energy.
At the end of the day, birthdays—like many aspects of relationships with narcissists—are a stage for them to perform their insecurities, entitlement, and need for control. Understanding this can help you approach these situations with more clarity and less guilt, knowing that you’re not responsible for their happiness, even on their birthday.
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