Narcissistic supply often refers to the attention, admiration, and validation that a narcissist receives from others, but it also includes the control, manipulation, and abuse they are able to administer. All of these maintain their inflated sense of self-worth. I usually divide narcissistic supply into two categories: Negative Narcissistic Supply and Positive Narcissistic Supply. It is a fact that not everyone provides the same amount or type of narcissistic supply for a narcissist.
Although narcissists enjoy receiving low-level supply from multiple sources, nothing beats having a primary supply. A primary supply is someone who can provide a constant and substantial amount of narcissistic supply in all its forms. This means that the primary supply is often readily available, emotionally dependent, and may even idolize or idealize the narcissist, making them easy to manipulate and control. The primary supply can be a romantic partner, a family member, or even a close friend. Having a primary source of supply is any narcissist’s dream.
When a narcissist loses someone who was a major source of narcissistic supply, their emotional response is often intense. Today, I want to discuss the emotions and reactions of a narcissist when they lose such a key source of supply. Having a primary supply is a power trip for the narcissist. Once they get a taste of it, they become hooked. Although they may still slander, manipulate, and abuse this person, if that individual ever breaks free from the narcissist’s control and leaves, it devastates the narcissist.
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The Injured Narcissist
The first reaction to such a loss is what we call a narcissistic injury. This is a deep wound or a damaging blow to the narcissist’s fragile ego. While anger may be one of the first emotions to arise, it is swiftly followed by humiliation and shame, as such a loss challenges their self-image, sense of superiority, and control. Although their shame is usually hidden from the world, the impact is still profound because this loss represents a clear sign of failure or rejection.
Abandonment Struggles
This rejection gives rise to feelings of abandonment, which is one of the narcissist’s greatest fears. Despite how they treat you, they still expect you to stay and never leave them. So, when the narcissist has been so dependent on you for their needs and wants, and then you leave, they not only feel abandoned but also feel it was unjustified.
The Desperate Narcissist
Panic eventually sets in, and the narcissist realizes they need to act quickly to restore their source of supply. In a desperate attempt, they will do and say anything to regain control over this person. Narcissists are not able to easily move on to another source of supply after losing a primary one. Their first course of action is typically to try and regain that primary source.
When that doesn’t happen, the narcissist may end up bouncing from one person to another, trying to find a replacement, but they are likely to fall and hit rock bottom if they can’t restore or replace the primary supply.
Closing Thoughts
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To conclude, narcissists have a deep need for external validation to maintain their fragile self-esteem, and the primary supply plays a crucial role in fulfilling that need. In doing so, they become vital because the narcissist relies on them to maintain their self-image and emotional equilibrium. So, when this source of supply is no longer around to provide them with constant validation, the narcissist is likely to experience a sense of emptiness, inadequacy, and may even hit rock bottom.
These are the types of supplies that narcissists become obsessed with, spy on, and repeatedly try to get back. Ultimately, their reaction to losing a significant source of supply is less about grief for the person and more about the threat to their self-worth and control.
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