In a narcissistic relationship, you are forced to act out of character and do things you would never normally do because the narcissist pushes you to your limits. Out of survival, you may end up doing things that are not aligned with your moral code, values, or system. That’s why many survivors feel guilt—guilt about something they said or did—and start questioning: “Am I the narcissist? Am I like them? Maybe I’m the narcissist in this situation. Why would I do this or that?”
1. Hoovering
When you’re trauma-bonded to a narcissist, you become addicted to their presence. They become the source of your pain, but they also become the source of your relief. It’s not the person you want back, but how they make you feel when they’re acting nice—the relief, the relaxation, and the calmness you crave in their presence. So, you chase it, and that messes with your mind. You may start thinking there is no way out. You might check their social media, WhatsApp, or try to find out if they’ve moved on, feeling confused and in pain. Then you might start thinking, “See, I am like them. I am hoovering.” But you’re not.
When a narcissist hoovers, they do it with the intention of getting you back, of controlling you. You, on the other hand, seek love and connection. You’re acting out of pain, not a need to reassert control. The context and intentions are different.
2. Screaming, Yelling & Shouting
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