Going no contact with a narcissist can feel like a battle, but it’s often the only way to reclaim your peace and freedom. If you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist, you know they don’t let go easily. Once you set boundaries, they don’t just vanish quietly—they often launch a series of behaviors designed to suck you back in or punish you for breaking away. If you’re considering or have already gone no contact with a narcissist, knowing what to expect can help you stay strong and maintain your boundaries.
Here are the six key tactics narcissists use when you go no contact and how to handle each one.
1. They Go Back to What Worked Before
Narcissists thrive on control, and when they feel it slipping, they often revert to behaviors that previously won them your attention or affection. This could be love-bombing you with compliments, charm, or promises of change. They might send messages that sound nostalgic, reminding you of “the good times” and trying to convince you that you’re overreacting or being difficult.
What to do: Stay firm. Don’t fall for their attempts to reel you back in. Remind yourself why you went no contact in the first place. Emotional manipulation is one of their strongest tools, and recognizing it is your first line of defense.
2. They Escalate Their Tactics
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When the charming approach doesn’t work, narcissists often escalate their efforts. They may call or text incessantly, show up unannounced, or bombard you with messages through social media. Their goal is to make you feel overwhelmed and give in.
What to do: Resist the urge to engage. Block their number and social media accounts if necessary. If they escalate to harassment, don’t hesitate to involve legal measures for your protection. Narcissists thrive on drama, so cutting off communication entirely denies them the fuel they crave.
3. They Start a Smear Campaign (Triangulation)
One of the most harmful things narcissists do is try to isolate you by spreading false narratives about you to mutual acquaintances, friends, or family members. This tactic, known as triangulation, can make you feel excluded, guilty, or crazy, and is often a key part of their discard phase.
What to do: Stay calm. It’s tempting to defend yourself, but engaging in the drama will only fuel their agenda. Instead, focus on maintaining your close, trusted relationships. True friends will see through the narcissist’s lies, and the smear campaign will eventually lose its power.
4. Their Narcissistic Rage Comes Out
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If the narcissist feels threatened or exposed, they may go into full-blown narcissistic rage. They may lash out aggressively, trying to scare or intimidate you. This rage isn’t always physical; it can come in the form of vicious verbal attacks, threats, or intense emotional manipulation.
What to do: Don’t react emotionally. Their rage is about control, and your reaction feeds that need. If you’re being threatened, remove yourself from the situation and seek support or legal action if necessary. Staying calm and composed will frustrate their attempts to control you.
5. They Collapse or Play the Victim
Some narcissists, when met with consistent no contact, will experience what is known as a “narcissistic collapse.” This is when their facade crumbles, and they may play the victim, acting helpless or trying to evoke sympathy from you or others. They want you to see them as fragile so that you will feel responsible for their well-being and return to them.
What to do: Remember that this is just another manipulation tactic. Narcissists are experts at switching between aggression and victimhood. Maintain your boundaries and remind yourself that their emotions are not your responsibility.
6. They Find Narcissistic Supply Elsewhere
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Eventually, when all attempts to regain control over you fail, narcissists will shift their focus to finding a new source of narcissistic supply. This is because narcissists are driven by the need for validation and attention—they can’t function without it. Once they realize you are no longer a viable source, they will move on to someone else who can fulfill this need.
What to do: This is the point where your no contact will begin to work. Once they move on, you’ll finally be free of their influence. Continue to reinforce your boundaries, protect your peace, and focus on healing.
Conclusion: Staying Strong and Regaining Control
Going no contact with a narcissist is hard, but it is one of the most powerful steps you can take in reclaiming control of your life. Narcissists will employ every trick in the book to lure you back in or punish you for leaving, but knowing their tactics in advance helps you stay ahead. Stay strong, seek support when needed, and remember that their behavior is a reflection of their deep-seated issues, not a reflection of your worth. Eventually, with consistent boundaries and a solid support system, you will come out stronger and free from their toxic grip.
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