We have all heard about how narcissists disrupt sleep—how they keep you up at night with arguments, emotionally drain you, or use sleep deprivation to control you. But today, we are not talking about that. I am diving deeper into the strange, lesser-known ways narcissists manipulate you during one of your most vulnerable times: your sleep. These aren’t just random actions; they are calculated, methodical tactics to keep you mentally, emotionally, and even physically under their control.
Number one: They force you to sleep facing them
This may seem harmless at first, but when a narcissist insists that you sleep facing them every night, it’s not about intimacy or closeness; it’s about control. They want to keep you under their gaze even when you are unconscious. Think about that—because it’s their way of monitoring and dominating your presence 24/7. When you are asleep, you are at your most vulnerable. By forcing you to sleep facing them, they ensure you remain aware of their presence, never feeling free, not even in the comfort of your bed. Imagine being told that if you turn away, you’re being distant or cold. In reality, it’s not about you being distant; it’s about them needing to see you to control your every move and invade your personal space, even as you try to rest. This constant invasion starts messing with your mind, making you feel as if you need their approval for something as simple as how you sleep. It’s their way of showing you that there is no escape from them, even in your most vulnerable moments.
Number two: They force you to sleep unclothed
Sharing is caring!
Now, this one is disturbing. Some narcissists may demand that you sleep unclothed. While they might frame it as wanting more intimacy or closeness, the reality is much darker. Forcing you into this vulnerable state is all about stripping you—literally—of your sense of security. When you sleep unclothed, you are exposed, defenseless, and vulnerable, and that is exactly how they want you. Narcissists crave control—not just over your thoughts and emotions, but over your physical being. Forcing you into this state reinforces the power dynamic they thrive on. You are no longer protected, even by the barrier of clothing, and that reinforces the message they want you to internalize: you are not safe, you are in their control, and they own you. It’s dehumanizing, and the psychological impact of that kind of vulnerability can be massive.
Number three: They keep you busy with mundane tasks
This one gets under your skin slowly. A narcissist will give you trivial things to do just before bed to stop you from resting. They will ask you to cook them a meal late at night or demand that you scratch their back for hours. It’s not about the task itself; it’s about keeping you occupied, making sure you’re too tired to think straight, too drained to focus on yourself. My great-grandfather, who was a classic example of this, believed women should never rest. He would instruct his sons to throw something from upstairs if they saw their wives sitting down, making them run to fetch it as if they were a dog or something. The idea was that they must always be doing something, never allowed a moment’s peace. This is exactly how a narcissist behaves—creating endless, meaningless tasks to exhaust you mentally and physically.
Number four: They insist on sleeping in the power position
Sharing is caring!
This one is subtle but incredibly telling. A narcissist may insist on sleeping in the “power position” in bed. What do I mean by that? They will make sure they sleep closest to the door, the windows, or any place where they can have a vantage point. You might think, “Oh, maybe they just want to be the protector.” No, this isn’t about protection; it’s about maintaining control over the environment. Sleeping in the power position gives them a sense of superiority and dominance, even when they are not doing anything. It’s a psychological game. They want to be the one who oversees the space, making sure they are always the one in control, even in the simple act of sleeping. It is a silent reminder to you: “I am the one in charge here. This is my domain.” Now, don’t get me wrong—some survivors of narcissistic abuse may want to be close to exits because they want to feel safe, not to overpower someone. Let’s not mix the two.
Number five: They steal the blankets to control comfort
This sounds petty, doesn’t it? But it is something I have personally experienced. Narcissists have a habit of stealing the blankets at night, and again, it’s not as innocent as it seems. You might think, “Oh, they are just cold, or they like having more blankets.” But no, it’s another form of control. When they take the blankets, they are deciding who gets to be comfortable and who does not. You are left shivering, uncomfortable, and restless, while they sleep soundly. It is symbolic of the entire relationship dynamic—your needs come second to theirs. They get the comfort, the warmth, the safety, and you get the scraps. My parents would fight over blankets every single night. My mother would always complain that my father would pull the blankets off, leaving her cold and in pain. She would wake up in the middle of the night shivering, while he slept peacefully. My father, of course, would act like it was no big deal, dismissing her discomfort. But it was a big deal because it wasn’t just about the blanket; it was about who got to feel cared for and who had to suffer. This constant state of discomfort keeps you off-balance, even in your sleep, which is exactly where they want you—constantly adjusting, constantly bending to their needs.
Sharing is caring!
