When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, it becomes painfully clear that everything revolves around them. Their needs, their emotions, and their desires dominate the relationship. But what happens when you’re the one in need? When you’re feeling sick, the dynamics shift, and your inability to focus on the narcissist creates tension and conflict.
While most people show care and empathy toward loved ones during times of illness, narcissists respond differently. When you’re sick, the narcissist sees your condition as an inconvenience, a disruption to their life and demands. Here’s how narcissists typically react when you’re unwell:
1. Total Lack of Empathy
Empathy isn’t part of a narcissist’s nature, and this becomes especially apparent when you’re sick. They can’t grasp the fact that you’re feeling unwell because their thoughts are consumed with how your illness affects them. Rather than show concern for your health, the narcissist will likely belittle you for being “lazy” or minimizing your symptoms, leaving you to deal with both physical illness and emotional neglect.
2. Selfish Behavior
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Narcissists are inherently selfish, and your illness will be no exception. Rather than considering your discomfort, they’ll focus on how your inability to cater to their needs impacts them. You might hear complaints like, “How could you leave me to handle everything?” or “Why aren’t you doing more around the house?” as if your illness is a personal affront to them.
In some cases, they may even act as though they’re the true victim of your illness, framing the situation as something that’s happening to them.
3. Extreme Irritability
A narcissist’s irritability often spikes when you’re unable to attend to their needs. They might become impatient, aggressive, or outright cruel. Expect comments such as “How long will you be sick?” or “You’re being dramatic,” reflecting their frustration at not being the center of attention. Your illness is simply an inconvenience they want to rid themselves of as quickly as possible.
4. Gaslighting
Narcissists are notorious gaslighters, and this behavior won’t change when you’re unwell. They may accuse you of exaggerating your symptoms or even suggest you’re faking it to gain sympathy. The goal of gaslighting is to invalidate your experience, leaving you feeling confused and doubting the severity of your own illness. The message is clear: your feelings don’t matter.
5. Pretending to Care
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Occasionally, a narcissist might appear to care for you while you’re sick—but this is often a performance for others. When there’s an audience, narcissists may go out of their way to play the role of a concerned partner, offering to help or acting as if they’re invested in your well-being. Behind closed doors, however, this façade disappears, and they return to their usual self-centered behavior.
6. Manipulation and Exploitation
Sickness is an opportunity for narcissists to exploit your vulnerability. They may manipulate you by making you feel guilty for needing help or reminding you later how much they “sacrificed” to care for you. This manipulation could also take the form of transactional care, where any assistance they provide comes with strings attached. Narcissists will make sure you “owe” them for every bit of help they offered.
7. Giving You the Cold Shoulder
If a narcissist doesn’t bother to berate or manipulate you while you’re sick, they may simply ignore you. They view you as useless when you’re unable to serve them, so they might withdraw entirely. You’ll find yourself alone in your suffering as they occupy themselves with things they find more important—whether it’s spending time with others or entertaining themselves.
8. Offering Conditional Care
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Even when a narcissist does offer some level of care, it comes with expectations. They may help you, but only if they believe they can leverage it later for their benefit. You can expect this “care” to be minimal, and in the future, they’ll remind you of it and expect a grand gesture in return—far exceeding the help they gave.
The Narcissist’s True Nature: They Don’t Care
At the end of the day, the narcissist’s behavior during your illness reflects their overall disregard for your needs and well-being. Whether they gaslight, manipulate, or simply ignore you, the underlying truth is the same—they don’t care about your health. Any actions that appear helpful or considerate are motivated by selfish desires or an opportunity to maintain control over you.
The best way to protect yourself in such a situation is to manage your expectations. Recognize that a narcissist will not provide genuine support, and look to other people in your life for the care and empathy you deserve. Understanding these patterns can help you prepare for their behavior and focus on your own healing without falling into the traps of guilt or manipulation.
If you’ve been a victim of narcissistic behavior, you’re not alone. Seeking professional support and confiding in trusted friends and family can help you regain your emotional strength. Above all, remember that it’s not your fault, and you deserve better treatment than a narcissist can offer.
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