In fact, they’ll often throw in a frustrated, “You always do this,” in the same breath as they ask for a clean slate. When you’re in this, especially with a trauma bond at play, it can be tempting to believe in the clean slate. But unfortunately, that’s not how it works—especially not with a narcissist. Those old issues will always resurface, and you’ll regret giving them a clean slate.
There’s a saying: “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” The sad part is that the second, third, or fifth time hurts even more than the first because it comes with shame and self-blame. The more you allow them to get away with their behavior, the less you’ll blame them. Over time, the rage dulls, and what’s left is a self-image that fades more and more each day. Tragically, the more your self-image is tarnished, the more likely you are to fall for the narcissist’s manipulation, continuing the cycle.
For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Christina, and I’m a toxic relationship recovery coach. If you think you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, I have a free checklist to help you assess your experience with narcissistic abuse—find the link in the description.
Now, let’s discuss how narcissists will leverage your forgiveness to justify their future behavior. This is a particularly damaging tactic. After all, if you were able to forgive them the first time, it must not have been that bad, right? Meanwhile, it took everything you had to forgive them the last time, and now you feel like you have nothing left to give.
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