They may also turn it around on you for bringing up the issue again. When you mention their repeated behavior, they’ll shame and blame you, saying things like, “I thought we were past this,” or, “How many times are we going to talk about the same thing?” But how many times can they do the same thing?
Another way a narcissist will weaponize your forgiveness is by gaslighting you about the need for forgiveness in the first place. For example, let’s say you caught them saying terrible things about you behind your back. It felt like a knife to the chest, and it took a lot to let them back in. Once the dust settles, they might say, “I can’t believe you were even mad about that,” implying that you’re overreacting or being too sensitive—common gaslighting phrases.
If you’ve been exposed to this kind of abuse for long enough, you may start to believe you’re the problem, especially with a narcissist constantly telling you so. But don’t fall for it.
Another way a narcissist will weaponize your forgiveness is by using it as proof of your undying love. Let’s say they get caught cheating—there’s no talking their way out of it this time. It’s public, and everyone knows. They might say, “You forgave me for that, so we must be soulmates.” This reinforces their belief that they can keep pushing your limits and you’ll always forgive them.
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