The number one mistake you can make is sacrificing or compromising your sleep hygiene. Sleep quality should be at the top of your priorities because when you get good sleep, you’re often in a better mood. However, narcissistic abuse can mess with your mind and body, making it incredibly hard to wind down and get restful sleep. Today, we’ll dive into why this happens and explore how the emotional rollercoaster of dealing with a narcissist can leave your sleep hygiene in shambles.
Are you ready for number one?
1. Overthinking Past Events
When you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, your mind can become a playground for overthinking, especially about past events. You might find yourself lying in bed, replaying conversations, wondering what you could have done differently, or worrying about what will happen next. This mental replay can keep you up for hours, making it hard to relax and fall asleep. As Dr. Judith Orloff, a psychiatrist and expert on empathy, explains, overthinking is like a mental trap that keeps you from finding peace. It’s as if your mind is stuck in a loop, constantly searching for answers or trying to make sense of the chaos, preventing you from getting the rest you need.
2. Somatic Symptoms
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Dealing with the stress of narcissistic abuse doesn’t just affect your mind; your body feels it too. This stress can show up as somatic symptoms like muscle tension, headaches, or a tight chest, making it hard to relax and fall asleep. It’s almost like your body is holding on to all the tension and anxiety from the abuse, even when you’re trying to wind down. Dr. Gabor Maté, a physician and expert on mind-body connections, explains that the body keeps the score of emotional trauma, meaning that your physical symptoms reflect the stress and pain you’re going through. So even when you want to rest, your body may feel like it’s still bracing for impact, keeping you awake and on edge.
3. Difficulty Setting Boundaries
Imagine trying to get a good night’s sleep while someone constantly knocks on your door, demanding your attention. That’s what it feels like when you struggle to set boundaries with a narcissist. Because you’re stuck in a loop of people-pleasing and avoiding conflict, your mind can’t switch off, and neither can your stress levels. As psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains, narcissists have no respect for boundaries, so when you finally try to go to bed, you’re tossing and turning, replaying every awkward encounter and worrying about the next one. It’s like trying to sleep with a fire alarm blaring — peace is nowhere in sight.
4. Cognitive Distortions
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Cognitive distortions are like trying to sleep while wearing glasses with the wrong prescription — your brain isn’t seeing things clearly. After experiencing narcissistic abuse, cognitive distortions can mess with your thinking, making everything seem worse than it is. Instead of enjoying a peaceful night’s sleep, you lie awake, convinced that every shadow in the room is a monster or that your life is falling apart. As cognitive psychologist Dr. Aaron Beck says, our thinking patterns shape our reality. If your brain is stuck in distortion mode, it’s like you have a built-in horror movie playing on repeat, keeping you wide awake.
5. Hyperawareness of Time
Imagine trying to fall asleep with a giant clock ticking loudly next to your bed, and every second feels like it’s mocking your inability to rest. That’s what it’s like when you’re hyperaware of time due to narcissistic abuse. You’re not just worried about sleeping — you’re obsessively watching the clock, stressing over every minute you’re not getting shut-eye. As therapist Dr. Ellen Hendriksen points out, anxiety loves to play with time, making everything feel urgent. So instead of drifting off, you’re counting every tick like it’s a personal failure, turning your bed into a high-stakes game show.
6. Unpredictable Environment
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Imagine trying to stick to a bedtime routine when your life feels like a reality TV show with constant plot twists. You never know what’s coming next. That’s what it’s like living in an unpredictable environment due to narcissistic abuse. Every day feels like a new episode with unexpected drama, making it impossible to set a regular sleep schedule. As Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship researcher, explains, unpredictability in relationships leads to stress and confusion. Instead of a cozy bedtime, you’re navigating a chaotic circus where your sleep routine gets thrown out the window.
7. Fear of Abandonment
If you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, you might constantly feel anxious about being abandoned, which can seriously mess with your sleep. Your mind races, and you find it hard to relax when you’re always worried that someone might leave you or that you’ll be alone. Dr. John Bowlby, a psychologist known for his work on attachment theory, explains that the fear of abandonment triggers intense anxiety, keeping your body in a state of high alert. So even when you’re in bed, trying to rest, the fear of being left alone keeps you tossing and turning, struggling with feelings of loneliness.
8. Guilt
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Picture yourself lying awake, replaying every tiny mistake you’ve ever made, as your brain stays stuck on a loop of your personal blooper reel. That’s what guilt can do to your sleep. After enduring narcissistic abuse, guilt over perceived failures or mistakes can keep you up at night, analyzing every detail. As Dr. Harriet Lerner, a psychologist, says, guilt is like a sneaky thief — it steals our peace of mind.
9. Self-Criticism
Imagine your inner critic as a relentless coach who never lets you off the hook. Welcome to the world of self-criticism born from narcissistic abuse. When you’ve been on the receiving end of a narcissist’s constant put-downs, you start to internalize their criticism and beat yourself up over everything. Psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff says self-criticism is the fastest route to self-loathing. Instead of falling asleep, you’re stuck listening to this internal commentator, making restful sleep feel like an elusive prize.
10. Constant Monitoring
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Finally, imagine trying to fall asleep while someone stands right by your bed with a flashlight, making sure you’re not sneaking off for a midnight snack. That’s what constant monitoring by a narcissist feels like. This invisible surveillance shatters your sense of privacy and safety, making it impossible to relax and get restful sleep. As Dr. Sheheryar Hemi, a psychologist and trauma expert, notes, when you feel constantly watched, it’s hard to unwind and feel secure enough to sleep.
We’ve explored why victims of narcissistic abuse often struggle with poor sleep hygiene. It’s not just about having a rough night here and there — it’s about how the emotional toll and stress from dealing with a narcissist can disrupt your sleep. If you’re facing this challenge, know that you’re not alone. Understanding the connection is a big step toward finding solutions. Taking small, positive steps to improve your sleep habits and addressing the emotional impacts can make a world of difference. Remember, better sleep starts with taking care of your mind and emotions. Be patient with yourself. Here’s to better nights and brighter days ahead!
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