It may be very tempting to hear of manipulating a narcissist, perhaps because you’re working your way through a relationship in which you have consistently felt bullied or put down. It is essential, however, to learn both some of the ways people try to manipulate narcissists and the possible consequences of doing so. This article will review whether manipulation is possible, the methods people use, and the emotional and ethical implications of participating in such dynamics.
Why Narcissists Are Vulnerable to Manipulation
Despite their apparent confidence, narcissists have fragile egos hidden behind their mask of confidence. Many of them need this constant admiration and respect to feel sure about themselves. This combination of insecurity and desire for approval can make them more susceptible to manipulative techniques playing on these frailties. Narcissists are attracted to those who feed their need for admiration and can be “triggered” by perceived slights or not getting the wanted validation..
Common Ways People Influence Narcissists
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Appease their ego: A narcissist craves admiration, and constant appreciation will make them susceptible to suggestions or ideas. Compliments that seem to be genuinely delivered-especially those that relate to their most valued traits, such as intelligence, looks, or power-they quickly yield to influence. When admired, they are likely not to raise any questions about motives or critically evaluate compliments that have made them somehow dependent on the person offering such praise
Reverse Psychology: Conspicuously mention the opposite of what is desired, as some try to use reverse psychology to make the narcissist do what they want. For instance, if a narcissist is resisting a request, present the suggestion as “unimportant” or that it is something they would not bother with. Then, sometimes they do it to prove a point of control
Selling Ideas as Their Own: Most of those who work with narcissists successfully introduce ideas in a subtle manner; the narcissist later adopts as their own. Due to the fact that narcissists can’t stand being at the mercy of others such an approach would work since one presents an idea in a soft manner in which they can “discover”. As long as the narcissist thinks they came up with an idea, they most likely will commit to it and feel satisfied with their presumed insight.
Possible Dangers of Manipulating the Narcissist
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While one is able to influence or manipulate a narcissist through his or her need for validation, it often carries certain risks, which are:
Emotional Backlash: Narcissists may react very angrily or in a hostile manner if they feel manipulated. Since their self-esteem is fragile, finding out that they have been influenced may lead to retaliatory behavior intended to criticize, attack verbally, or even harm the individual emotionally or socially
Risk of escalation: One consequence of manipulating a narcissist is that it creates a game of one-upmanship. Perceiving the attempt at manipulation as challenges to their authority, they can get even more controlling and hard to manage. In other words, as time goes on, while the narcissistic person ramps up the attempts to keep things under control, the relationship continues to go downhill in terms of toxicity.
Ethical Concerns: Some people consider it a form of self-defense, but manipulation of narcissists is generally viewed as an ethical concern. It is very easy for a person to violate his or her own ethics through the act of manipulation when trying to get back at narcissists or for some personal gain rather than self-protection.
When Influencing a Narcissist May Be Justified
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In this vein, some recommend strategic “influence” where a narcissist is particularly destructive, rather than any form of manipulation. One can most certainly set firm boundaries and, when provocations arise, respond equanimously. “Gray rocking”-or responding with a minimum of emotion-is one technique for minimizing the narcissist’s control without resorting to active manipulationPSYCHOLOGY TODAY
Conclusion
It is possible to manipulate a narcissist, working with the need for admiration, insecurity, and tendency toward self-importance; however, it would take a great deal of thought and a high tolerance for possible backlash. When in close relationships, focusing on assertive communication with a narcissist, setting boundaries, and maintenance of self-care are far easier to maintain than trying to “beat them at their own game.
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