You may have often wondered why toxic individuals are present in your life or why they have entered your life at all. You’re not alone in thinking this, but in this video, I’m going to explore why toxic individuals are attracted to people like you and why they stick around. I want to put a trigger warning here: some of the information I’m going to share in this video might be difficult to hear. Nevertheless, it is the truth. Watch this video if this is something you have ever wondered about.
The first reason you might have toxic individuals in your life is unresolved past trauma. I know this is hard-hitting, but it’s true: unresolved past trauma can stem from childhood experiences of neglect or abuse, which can be emotional, psychological, or spiritual. Witnessing dysfunctional relationships, such as those of your parents or other family members, shapes your expectations of how you view relationships and what you are willing to accept from others. Families are usually the first point of reference we have for understanding how to relate to others. If this reference is dysfunctional, it will skew our perceptions of how relationships should be.
There’s also something called repetition compulsion. Sometimes we unconsciously seek people who mirror past experiences or what we learned in childhood, often in an attempt to resolve unprocessed trauma. This can occur without our awareness, but it’s a way we try to resolve past issues and find the validation we didn’t receive in childhood.
Additionally, low self-esteem plays a significant role. When we have low self-esteem, we may have a low sense of self-worth and tolerate poor treatment because we feel we deserve it or don’t know any better. You might believe you don’t deserve better or that you’re on your own, leading you to accept mistreatment. This can also lead to a cycle of seeking validation from others, making you susceptible to manipulation and control. There are individuals out there who exploit this need, creating a lack of boundaries because you feel you don’t deserve better. You may struggle with saying no and find it challenging to assert your needs, believing your own needs are less important than making others happy. This doesn’t protect your well-being and often leads to feelings of disappointment.
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Next, we have people-pleasing tendencies. You may focus on making others happy and sacrifice your own needs in the process. Toxic individuals take advantage of this behavior because they know your boundaries are malleable. You’re not likely to say no, and this weakens your self-esteem and confidence, leading to more people-pleasing behavior, all to your detriment.
Another major factor to consider is attachment styles. You might have an anxious attachment style, which leads you to cling to relationships even when they are harmful due to a fear of abandonment and a deep-seated need for approval. Conversely, those with avoidant attachment styles may attract partners who are overtly needy or controlling, reinforcing their belief that intimacy is unsafe. If you fall into either of these attachment categories, consider that this could explain why toxic individuals are drawn to you; ultimately, they may be exploiting you psychologically and emotionally.
Familiarity with dysfunction is another critical factor. If you grew up witnessing dysfunctional relationships, you may find that when someone treats you poorly, it feels familiar, and you may believe you don’t deserve any better. This creates a sense of comfort in chaos, making it difficult for you to recognize when you need to make changes and understand that the behavior is abusive, causing emotional trauma. You may equate this dysfunctional love with a sense of normalcy, which makes it hard to recognize when you need to leave such relationships.
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Then there’s ignorance of red flags. You might find it difficult to identify problematic or toxic behaviors, which creates a lack of awareness. Because you’re unfamiliar with red flags, it’s challenging to recognize them. I would encourage you to educate yourself on these issues; without understanding, you’ll remain stuck in a loop of unhealthy dynamics.
Hope for change can also keep you tethered to toxic individuals. You might believe you can fix or change your partner, thinking you can heal them. This can lead you to stay in a relationship longer than you should. Remember, we cannot change a person unless they genuinely want to change and are invested in that process themselves. No amount of love, attention, or care you provide will change someone if they’re not motivated to change.
Codependency is another significant issue. Codependent individuals often derive their sense of identity and self-worth from caring for others, making them prone to attracting people who exploit them. While acts of service can be a love language, being excessively caretaking without receiving anything in return can lead to codependency. Also, if you have a deeply rooted fear of being alone, you may accept whatever treatment you receive, which makes it easier to overlook red flags.
Lastly, there could be social and cultural influences at play. Normative beliefs and societal or cultural norms about relationships can lead to an indoctrination that makes you think it’s acceptable to stay in toxic relationships. For example, fear of bringing shame to your family may prevent you from leaving a toxic relationship, reinforcing acceptance of unhealthy dynamics.
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If you find yourself resonating with any of these circumstances and would like someone to talk to, please know that I offer one-on-one consultations. Look in the description box below. There are ways for you to change and escape these toxic situations; you don’t have to stay in them. Real change isn’t easy; it’s a challenging journey that requires emotional work and a long, hard look at yourself to understand why these individuals are in your life. You need self-reflection and self-awareness to break these cycles. It’s tough, but once you do, you will realize just how toxic these relationships were and how much of yourself you lost in them.
Above all, you need to build self-esteem and self-compassion. This is not your fault; ultimately, it’s not your fault. Please look at yourself with compassion. I truly hope this video has helped you. I hope you can take away some steps and strategies from this video. I know this may not have been an easy watch for many of you, but I sincerely hope it has helped.
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