When a narcissist makes people hate you, here’s what you may need to do that you might never think of. We’re glad to see you back on our service today. People are talking about the well-known flying monkeys. Don’t worry; that will come up soon. In the meantime, make sure to click the bell and subscribe to our channel to stay up to date on the latest material about narcissism.
Flying Monkeys
As a member of this self-centered culture, you might have heard the term “flying monkeys.” The narcissist goes to your parents, friends, siblings, co-workers, and anyone else in your network, spreading bad things about you to try to break down your support system and get these people to side with them. The flying monkey phenomenon happens often, especially when a couple is getting a divorce. Since the individuals breaking up share the same extended family networks, the narcissistic spouse uses this to approach their soon-to-be ex-partner’s friends and spread negative stories to control the narrative.
Their goal is to get these people to join their side so they can weaken their partner’s support system and demonstrate how much more powerful they are. The partner in a narcissistic relationship already questions their own worth because the narcissist is always trying to gaslight them. When their trusted network is also close to the narcissist, they doubt themselves even more.
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You might ask: how do they do this? Simply put, narcissists possess a lot of charm and charisma. They appear generous and have a good grasp of social dynamics, making it easy for them to network. They are skilled manipulators, convincing people to believe the lies they tell. They use their charisma to create a logical and emotional appeal that compels others to help them. They will do anything to hurt your reputation, even that of your friends or family, and set the tone of the conversation. When they share negative things about your loved ones, they may sound condescending and careful, but be cautious—these are just some of the ways they attempt to improve their standing.
They are adept at getting other people to do what they want, which is appalling. They will use your past mistakes against you or fabricate elaborate stories filled with obvious lies to achieve their goals. The objective is easy to understand: they want to be in charge, and the only way to do that is if everyone backs them.
In some ways, their plan resembles what children do on the playground, but their goals are much more serious, and their methods are much more effective because they aim to control everything in their environment. For a narcissist, success is paramount. The main driving force behind them is the desire to gain power and control over others, and achieving this boosts their self-esteem.
But what can you do if you find yourself being manipulated by them? It is well known that narcissists thrive in situations involving flying monkeys.
Dealing with Flying Monkeys
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First, you need to give yourself enough time to process your feelings about this issue. When a narcissist poisons the thoughts of people who were once close to you by making false claims, it is normal to feel sad and hurt. It may seem as though people are avoiding you when they don’t answer your calls or let you down on plans. This can lead to a feeling that everyone is suddenly moving away from you.
One individual who comes to mind is a man whose brother is very self-absorbed. Even though his brother tried to ruin his reputation by spreading horrible things about him to their family and friends, he was too distant to communicate with them often. This act of mental abuse had a significant impact on this kind person.
To deal with the emotional fallout, it is important to prioritize your health and seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Lastly, it is essential to remain strong and fight back against their false accusations with reasonable proof and maintain contact with the people affected. During a family gathering, the kind-hearted brother was shocked by how everyone treated him with coldness and indifference. He began to reflect on his actions and wondered if he had inadvertently hurt anyone, as he could not comprehend why they were acting the way they were. He even questioned whether he had missed a significant event or something else he couldn’t figure out.
A few months later, someone in his social circle informed him that his brother was planning to spread lies and false stories about him. He was devastated by this revelation and realized how skillfully the narcissist had manipulated all those discussions and events. It was heartbreaking to see how quickly and easily the narcissist’s ego manipulated others. Although the family dynamic was complex and involved many moving parts, the kind sibling felt heartbroken and uncertain about what to do.
This group of people who had once supported him had turned their backs on him. Many of you may have experienced similar situations. These incidents can cause significant harm and damage at work, in your neighborhood, and with your family. Because they lack empathy, narcissists often fail to comprehend how their actions impact others. Their manipulations can be very damaging to those they aim to hurt.
The Kind-hearted Brother
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When I asked the kind-hearted brother in this story if the people he lost were important to him, he replied yes. I suggested he reach out to them and reconnect on a personal level. I advised him not to defend himself, explain everything, or label his brother as a narcissist. I reassured him that his loved ones already cared for him, so he should simply be himself around them. Because of what his brother said, they had been deceived.
He followed my advice and reached out to them. As he began conversing with them, it was fascinating to see how their perceptions of him began to change as they learned what a special and kind person he truly was. They were a little confused, which was understandable. He admitted there had been some inappropriate discussions in their family and apologized if anything hurtful had been said.
Open Communication
With this approach, he was able to reconnect with most of the people who had distanced themselves from him, winning back their trust and faith. I truly empathize with what you went through, and I can understand how painful it must have been to witness people you considered friends and family gradually change their opinions based on the narcissist’s influence. Some individuals who liked you before the conflict were able to quickly move past it. Those who did not change their minds and chose to believe the lies told by your narcissistic brother were even more damaging to you.
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When you called me to discuss your situation, I advised you to reflect on whether those who could so easily turn their backs on you were worth keeping in your life. I understand this was a challenging realization since these were people you had known for a long time. Still, if they were so easily swayed by one person’s word, it raises questions about the strength of the bond in the first place. Moreover, why didn’t they approach you directly to discuss their concerns when the person tarnishing your image was a family member, spouse, or close friend?
This illustrates the importance of communication and the need for honesty and openness in relationships. When someone lies and spreads rumors about you, it is crucial that those around you take a step back from these stories and have the courage to discuss the situation with you directly instead of accepting what they’ve heard as gospel truth. If the people you considered friends and family truly cared about you, the healthy individuals in your social network would have reached out to you directly with their concerns.
People who maintain healthy relationships with you are typically the first to say, “Hey, I just heard something really upsetting.” Like the kind brother in the story, he mentioned that one good and trustworthy friend was the first to notice something was wrong and approached him about it. Over time, as the kind sibling continued to engage with the group, more and more people expressed their worries. They began to distinguish between what they knew about him and the false accusations made against him.
Most of the time, honest individuals in your life will see through the lies and manipulations and come directly to you. However, rebuilding your image can feel incredibly unfair, painful, and unsettling, especially if you did nothing wrong. It might require significant mental energy and time to overcome this cruel and unjust situation. It can be disconcerting to see your relationships tested.
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You might find a silver lining in considering how the narcissist’s actions have revealed the truth about some of your relationships. It is essential to ascertain whether those who were easily convinced were genuine friends or merely acquaintances. I always advise individuals who have been affected by flying monkeys to act appropriately. Narcissists excel at controlling people and exploiting their vulnerabilities.
In these situations, it is crucial to be kind to those who may have allowed themselves to be deceived. Instead of denying the rumors, it is better to show empathy and acknowledge what it’s like for them to endure such a troubling experience. You might say that you’re sorry they found themselves in such a difficult situation and hope they know you well enough to recognize that the lies are untrue. Encourage them to speak to you directly in the future and let them know that you are always available to listen. You can use something that has hurt you to demonstrate your goodness and willingness to support others.
To counteract a narcissist’s darkness, you need to bring in the light. People who are narcissistic are primarily driven by fear, which leads them to use others as pawns in their games. When they spread falsehoods about you to turn others against you, it’s part of their cruel game. They attempt to trick as many people as possible into siding with them, making it a cruel contest of lies.
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