In today’s article, we’re going to talk about how to make a narcissist feel sorry for what they’ve done, for the pain they’ve caused you, and for the experiences, they forced you to go through—things you never wanted or deserved to experience.
The first thing I’ll say is that a narcissist doesn’t care. They don’t care about what they’ve done to you or how it made you feel. Do you know why? Because as long as their needs are met, that’s all that matters to them. It’s about them, not you. In their mind, as long as they’re getting what they need, they’re fine. So, if you want to make a narcissist suffer, think about no contact.
No contact is a powerful tool. When you remove all communication, attention, focus, and energy away from the narcissist, they’ll feel it—and they won’t like it. A narcissist thrives on those things. Those are their needs, and they expect them to be met by people like you. When you redirect your energy, attention, kindness, and compassion away from them, they lose the validation and benefits they crave.
If you’re a high-value person—someone compassionate, kind, and patient—that’s precisely the kind of person a narcissist values because they can exploit these qualities. If you try to confront them or seek closure, there’s no point. The relationship ended because you no longer provided that value, and they got bored. They move on to find others who will give them that attention, validation, and energy.
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When you take these things away, it leaves a void that they can’t ignore. Think about when you rely on someone for something, and they suddenly stop providing it. It leaves a gap. By going no contact and withholding your attention, they will feel the loss and may even try to reach out, possibly through mutual contacts.
The moment you stop caring and take your energy back is the moment the power dynamic shifts. They’ll desire your attention because they can’t have it. Just as a friend might seek your attention after you’ve pulled away, narcissists are particularly prone to craving what they can’t have—it becomes a challenge they obsess over.
To truly make a narcissist regret what they did, cut off communication. Focus on yourself. Redirect your energy and become a different person. As you start to grow, the narcissist will notice because they are sensitive to changes in energetic exchange. They’ll see something has changed in you, something they desire, but by then, you won’t need or want them anymore.
This journey of no contact is about you, not them. Forgive yourself and understand that closure comes from within. The relationship was likely unsustainable from the start; it was only a matter of time before it ended. Rather than trying to teach them a lesson, focus on what you can provide for yourself.
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You might wonder, “Can they really offer me anything I can’t give myself?” They can’t. They move from one person to another because they can’t maintain depth in relationships. For them, people are interchangeable. Whether they recognize the harm they’ve caused is irrelevant because they don’t introspect.
Instead, work on building your value, whether through financial freedom, fulfilling work, or personal development. Directing your attention toward yourself builds a strength that can’t be taken away. You communicate this growth through your behavior, which is much more powerful than words.
If you’re going through this right now and would like to talk with someone, I offer one-to-one consultations. You can find more information in the description box. You’re also welcome to join the Journal Club for support on your healing journey.
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