Never judge or bully someone because of their unusual mannerisms; they may have developed these habits as a result of narcissistic abuse. Such abuse can leave people feeling anxious, insecure, and on edge. Their reactions or expressions might seem odd to outsiders, but it’s important to remember that these mannerisms are often coping mechanisms shaped by their experiences.
Today, we’ll take a closer look at some of these peculiar habits, what they mean, and how understanding them can help us support those who have been through so much—including yourself.
Are you ready for number one?
1. Pausing Mid-Sentence
If you’ve endured narcissistic abuse, you might find yourself pausing mid-sentence, almost as if you’re uncertain whether what you’re saying is valid or okay. This hesitation happens because, during the abuse, you were often made to feel that your thoughts and feelings weren’t important. Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains that narcissists distort reality, leaving you questioning yourself even in small conversations, which is why these pauses occur even when you know what you want to say. Listen closely, consciously remind yourself that your thoughts are valid, and practice expressing them confidently, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
2. Nervous Laughter in Uncomfortable Situations
Survivors of narcissistic abuse often develop nervous laughter as a way to defuse tension in uncomfortable moments. This response acts as a defense mechanism—your brain’s way of easing discomfort. Psychologist Dr. Albert Ellis discussed how our reactions stem from deep-rooted emotions and experiences. Rather than showing fear or frustration, you may laugh, even if it feels out of place. This behavior is your mind’s attempt to protect you from discomfort. If you catch yourself doing this, cultivate self-awareness by recognizing the trigger for your laughter and practice responding with a more authentic expression, like calmly stating your discomfort or concern.
3. Repeating Phrases Nervously
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Some survivors of narcissistic abuse develop a habit of nervously repeating phrases, often to reassure themselves they’re saying the right thing. This may be because they’ve been in situations where their words were twisted or used against them. Therapist Dr. Les Carter notes that narcissistic abuse frequently leaves survivors second-guessing themselves as a way to regain control over their communication and feel safe. So if you notice someone doing this, understand that it’s not just a quirk—it’s part of their journey toward rebuilding confidence.
4. Speaking Very Quickly
Survivors of narcissistic abuse tend to speak quickly, almost as if they’re racing against the clock. This often happens because they fear being cut off or ignored. Psychologist Dr. Gabor Maté explains that trauma can create a heightened sense of urgency, making you feel compelled to rush your words. Remember, it’s okay to slow down and take your time—your voice deserves to be heard.
5. Avoiding Taking Up Space
If you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, you might find yourself avoiding taking up space—like sitting in corners or making yourself small. This behavior often stems from feelings of unworthiness, which can become deeply ingrained after years of being belittled or dismissed. Dr. Brené Brown discusses how shame can make us feel as though we don’t deserve to be seen. Keep in mind that you have every right to be present, take up space, and acknowledge your own worth.
6. Checking Their Phone Excessively
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Survivors of narcissistic abuse often feel compelled to check their phones frequently, bracing themselves for bad news or rejection. This behavior arises from the anxiety the abuse created, where they were often criticized or ignored. Psychotherapist Beverly Engel explains that abuse survivors can become hypervigilant, constantly preparing for disappointment or hurt. If this is a habit of yours, try setting specific intervals to check notifications and engage in grounding activities to keep your focus on the present moment, which can help reduce anxiety.
7. Micromanaging Their Tone
Many survivors find themselves constantly adjusting their tone to avoid sounding harsh or aggressive. This habit stems from the worry of being judged, rooted in a history of having their voices invalidated. Psychologist Dr. Lisa Firestone explains that survivors may become overly cautious in communication to avoid conflict and protect themselves. Remember that your voice deserves to be heard as it is; you don’t always have to walk on eggshells.
8. Over-Preparing for Simple Tasks
Over-preparation for simple tasks is common among narcissistic abuse survivors, who often feel a need to be ready for anything. This habit stems from a fear of failure or criticism, ingrained through repeated abuse. Life coach Dr. Nicole LePera explains that over-preparation is a way for survivors to shield themselves from potential judgment. Keep in mind that it’s okay to be human and make mistakes—perfection isn’t required.
9. Withdrawing from Conversations When Overwhelmed
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Survivors may abruptly withdraw from conversations when they feel overwhelmed, as a way of protecting themselves from emotional distress. Psychologist Dr. Jonice Webb describes this as a coping mechanism. When you pull back, it’s not because you don’t care; it’s your way of managing stress. It’s perfectly okay to take a step back when you need to—your feelings matter.
10. Nervous Throat Clearing
Frequent throat clearing is often a sign that a survivor is still grappling with the effects of their past. This habit can stem from a need to sound steady or to reinforce that their voice matters. As Dr. Ramani Durvasula points out, survivors may struggle with self-expression after being silenced for so long. Practice deep breathing and vocal exercises to build confidence in your voice without masking anxiety.
Understanding these mannerisms is a step toward empathy and compassion. Just as everyone has unique quirks, survivors have developed coping mechanisms shaped by their past. If you or someone you know is dealing with these habits, remember that healing is a journey—be patient and kind to yourself and others. These experiences can spark meaningful conversations about resilience and healing. After all, it’s fascinating how our experiences shape us in unexpected ways.
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