If I asked you, “What is a narcissist’s biggest fear?” you might say, “It’s the loss of control, their supply, or negative exposure.” And you’d be right—that’s what most people believe and talk about. But what if I told you that’s not the whole story?
There are fears—smaller stresses—that a narcissist hides well but struggles with daily. These fears are far more dangerous because they torment them every moment of every day.
Fear #1: Memory Loss
Narcissists rely heavily on their memory, as they need to know their “territory” inside and out to control others. By focusing on the details, they can craft alternate versions of reality to convince you that you’re wrong in how you perceive things. To lie perfectly, they need a sharp memory.
Let’s say you’re trying to sleep, and they decide to deprive you of it. They’ll start an argument—about something that happened 10 years ago, word for word, just to make you feel guilty. They selectively remember everything and choose details that serve their narrative.
Now, imagine the terror they feel when they begin to lose this memory. I witnessed my father experience this. Initially, he would boast about his memory, saying, “You can’t fool me. I remember everything.” But as he aged, he’d nervously laugh and admit, “I think my memory is weakening.” He even began taking supplements to combat this fear. Losing control over their memory, something beyond their control, terrifies them.
Fear #2: Strong Relationships with Children
Narcissists fear you developing a strong bond with your children, as they see kids not as individuals to nurture but as extensions of themselves. They want minions who will serve them in the future.
To prevent this bond, they attempt to alienate you from your children by manipulating and lying. They shape the environment to prove that you’re the “abusive” one, pushing your buttons until you react in ways that seem to confirm their claims. As a result, the children are manipulated into becoming enablers or even “mini-narcissists.” My mother, for instance, groomed me from a young age to see my father as the enemy, ensuring all support was directed to her.
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
