Over time, this fear leads to a subtle but pervasive form of manipulation. Imagine thinking, If I forget to do this, they’re going to explode. You start putting their needs first, not out of love but to avoid conflict. This reshapes your day-to-day decisions, ultimately molding your personality to fit their moods, needs, and insecurities. It becomes easier to keep the peace than to assert your needs.
The Narcissist’s Perspective: The Unaware Power Play
Interestingly, narcissists don’t see themselves as tyrants. They often believe they’re great people—nice, kind, even considerate. Their lack of empathy keeps them from understanding the impact of their behavior. When you finally reach a point where you say, I’m only doing this because I’m scared of you, they may gaslight you. Statements like, I never told you to do that, or You’re making this up, are classic responses that twist reality, leaving you feeling like the unreasonable one.
The Threat of Abandonment: A Constant Sword
One potent weapon narcissists wield is the threat of abandonment. They might say things like, If this isn’t working for you, maybe we should end it, leaving you perpetually fearful that the relationship could crumble if you don’t “behave.” For people with anxious attachment styles or past abandonment issues, this “dangling abandonment” becomes particularly powerful, making you hold on to a relationship even if it’s damaging.
The Shadow of Menace: Living in a State of Hypervigilance
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