Number two, use their image against them.You know how much imagematters to a narcissist.So if you want to somehowweaponize it, use it against them.you can win.Let’s say you want their helpwith a task or you want themto agree to a certain thing.An example would be, you want themto agree to the rules that youhave created around parenting.So what would you do ifyou ask them to agree?Just right away, directly say,this is what I want you to do.You know, you are goingto get a disagreement.What would you do instead?You will make it about them andtheir love for your children.You’ll say, Oh, you are sucha great father or mother.And I know you will always,always think about them.You will put them first.These needs, they’re all abouttheir proper school timing.These rules, they make sure they livea very balanced life between two homes.And that’s the reasonwhy I have framed it.in such a way.I know as a great mother or as awonderful father, you will have nodifficulty in signing this contractor whatever that thing may be.But be very careful.You cannot do this in a way theycan use it against you as evidence.You cannot write it.You cannot say you’re a great fatherbecause later on if you try tofight them in court and say they’rea terrible human being, they’llpresent this piece of evidence andsay no, she’s lying, he’s lying.See what they said?So you have to use plausibledeniability as well.I never said that.What proof do you have?They use it all the time.So you have to use it.against them.Using image means flatteringtheir image as well.If you want them to help you withsomething, let’s say a task thatinvolves numbers and they think, oh,they have a big brain, they’re veryintelligent, you just flatter it andthat trait of theirs magnify it andsay, oh, you are amazing with numbers,you know, they’re better than I do.So can you please do this because Iknow your results or your assessment.is going to be much more accuratethan mine if I were to do it.
Chapter 3: Shifting and Redirecting Conversations
Number three, you have to shiftand redirect conversations.See, you cannot play their game.Their game is to get you involvedin giving them reactions.They want you to keep proving yourselfright, but they’re not interestedin taking your proof seriously.They want to waste your energy.You’re not going to do that.You’re always going to bring them backto what you want them to focus on.Let’s say you’re having a conversationwith a narcissist and they’re gettingreally agitated, irritated, andthey’re using deflection against you.You’re not going to explain yourself,you’re not going to defend, you’renot going to play their game.What you will do is, you willtry to tap into their shame self.You’ll say, I really wonder ifour children were to Witness thisconversation, what they would thinkabout us and how they would perceiveyou since you have a unique skill ofdealing with situations like this.I remember when you dealtwith so and so so gracefully.You can bring up an example fromthe past where they would havepretended to be a really nice guyor a nice person to please somebody,to make them think they’re great.And that is what youare going to re vivify.We call it weaponizing nostalgia.That is what a narcissist does as well.But you are doing ithere to protect yourself.You have to be the one alwaysin control of your emotions.You cannot let them dictate what youfeel because if that happens, thenof course the whole point is lost.The minute you notice that.It’s not going where it should be going.You first try to redirectand then compliment.Redirect and compliment in indirect ways.If that does not work, you just say, uh,I don’t think you are in a state rightnow to discuss this situation further.I’ll come back to it when you are ready.You make it about them.It is pointing out how ridiculouslythey are behaving and how bad.their approach is, butyou’re not shaming them.You’re saying it without saying it.
Chapter 4: Counter Mirroring Techniques
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