Dealing with a narcissist isn’t always as simple as leaving, moving on and focus on yourself. Sometimes things are pretty complex, especially when that narcissist happens tobe your parent, boss, co-worker, or the coparent, the other parent of your children.In such a case, you have to face them.You have to use certain tricksand techniques to stay two steps ahead, and that is what I’m goingto teach you in this episode
Chapter 1: Drip Supply – Controlling Validation
Number one, offer them drip supply.What is drip supply?It is intermittent supply.You do not have to give them all thevalidation, admiration, praise, orwhatever it is you know they want fromyou at once, because if you do that, theywon’t be thirsty, they won’t come back,and that means you will get tortured.You will have to selectively, and onpurpose, consciously fawn, to give thema little tiny teeny piece of your heart.of what they want so that you canchange their behavior in a desired way.An example of this could becomplimenting them in specific areasyou know they care a lot about.Maybe it’s their job, it’s their hobby,something else they are interested in.You do not want to do anything withany of those things, I understandit, but you have to fake it.You’re dealing with a lie.And you cannot just be yourself all thetime and expect them to respect that.Of course not.And this person is blind to your reality.They only are looking forthe confirmation of theirs.They’re always looking for the validation.of the fact that they are a great humanbeing, they are better than others.So you have to put them ona pedestal, but not always.You have to do it when you know doingit will get you a desired behavior.Let’s say they are behaving nicely.They’re behaving in a wayyou want them to behave.That’s when you praise them, notincessantly, but here and there inbits and pieces as I explained earlier.What would that do?That would condition their brainto behave in that way, which willsend signals across that if I wereto act this way, speak this way,I will get more of that supply.You will nod.You will give them a happy face.You will listen.You will orient your body in theirdirection showing them that you arereceptive and open to their ideas.But when they’re not behaving inacceptable ways, you do the opposite.You withhold supply.You do not make eye contact.You do not respond.You do the extreme form of stonewalling.and greyrocking.What will that do?That will push the narcissistin secure self to behave inways that will get you going.Somehow make them think that thething you want to happen is whatthey want to happen as well.Or your decision should be their decision.They should think it’s coming from them.Introduce it as an idea.Oh, I was thinking about all theoptions that you chose and I thinkthey’re great and this one is the best.Just make it all about them.They need to win.They need to have the upper hand.They need to select and choose foreverybody because their grandioseself tells them They know the best.
Chapter 2: Using Their Image Against Them
Sharing is caring!
Number two, use their image against them.You know how much imagematters to a narcissist.So if you want to somehowweaponize it, use it against them.you can win.Let’s say you want their helpwith a task or you want themto agree to a certain thing.An example would be, you want themto agree to the rules that youhave created around parenting.So what would you do ifyou ask them to agree?Just right away, directly say,this is what I want you to do.You know, you are goingto get a disagreement.What would you do instead?You will make it about them andtheir love for your children.You’ll say, Oh, you are sucha great father or mother.And I know you will always,always think about them.You will put them first.These needs, they’re all abouttheir proper school timing.These rules, they make sure they livea very balanced life between two homes.And that’s the reasonwhy I have framed it.in such a way.I know as a great mother or as awonderful father, you will have nodifficulty in signing this contractor whatever that thing may be.But be very careful.You cannot do this in a way theycan use it against you as evidence.You cannot write it.You cannot say you’re a great fatherbecause later on if you try tofight them in court and say they’rea terrible human being, they’llpresent this piece of evidence andsay no, she’s lying, he’s lying.See what they said?So you have to use plausibledeniability as well.I never said that.What proof do you have?They use it all the time.So you have to use it.against them.Using image means flatteringtheir image as well.If you want them to help you withsomething, let’s say a task thatinvolves numbers and they think, oh,they have a big brain, they’re veryintelligent, you just flatter it andthat trait of theirs magnify it andsay, oh, you are amazing with numbers,you know, they’re better than I do.So can you please do this because Iknow your results or your assessment.is going to be much more accuratethan mine if I were to do it.
Chapter 3: Shifting and Redirecting Conversations
Number three, you have to shiftand redirect conversations.See, you cannot play their game.Their game is to get you involvedin giving them reactions.They want you to keep proving yourselfright, but they’re not interestedin taking your proof seriously.They want to waste your energy.You’re not going to do that.You’re always going to bring them backto what you want them to focus on.Let’s say you’re having a conversationwith a narcissist and they’re gettingreally agitated, irritated, andthey’re using deflection against you.You’re not going to explain yourself,you’re not going to defend, you’renot going to play their game.What you will do is, you willtry to tap into their shame self.You’ll say, I really wonder ifour children were to Witness thisconversation, what they would thinkabout us and how they would perceiveyou since you have a unique skill ofdealing with situations like this.I remember when you dealtwith so and so so gracefully.You can bring up an example fromthe past where they would havepretended to be a really nice guyor a nice person to please somebody,to make them think they’re great.And that is what youare going to re vivify.We call it weaponizing nostalgia.That is what a narcissist does as well.But you are doing ithere to protect yourself.You have to be the one alwaysin control of your emotions.You cannot let them dictate what youfeel because if that happens, thenof course the whole point is lost.The minute you notice that.It’s not going where it should be going.You first try to redirectand then compliment.Redirect and compliment in indirect ways.If that does not work, you just say, uh,I don’t think you are in a state rightnow to discuss this situation further.I’ll come back to it when you are ready.You make it about them.It is pointing out how ridiculouslythey are behaving and how bad.their approach is, butyou’re not shaming them.You’re saying it without saying it.
Chapter 4: Counter Mirroring Techniques
Sharing is caring!
Number four, you are going to usecounter mirroring to appeal to thesubconscious part of the narcissist brain.After all, they’re human beings,they’re going to get influencedby your behaviors as well.When they mirror you, what is the outcome?What is the end goal of that mirroring?To create a fake sense of rapport,to impress you, to get your approval,or to make you fall for them.is, your goal is to make it lessstressful to deal with them.So what do you do?You go in and sit intheir, in their direction.You move your body slowlyas they move theirs.You attune.Let’s say they put theirhand under their face.You do the same thing,but the opposite hand.Do not make it too obviousbecause If they catch you doingit, they’ll get really angry.They’ll think you’re shaming them.You’re mocking them.You’re belittling them.It’s not just about body language.It’s about, you know, putting them on apedestal through giving somatic approval.Just making it seem like you’relearning how to sit, how to behave,how to walk, how to talk from them.They are teaching you.That’s how to, how you have to act.And you have to have thatinsecure look on your face.As if you are this little two yearold looking up to this eight year old,expedient man or woman who is the king orthe queen and knows the best and you’rejust trying to accommodate yourself.You also have to demonstrate whatis called intellectual mirroring.It’s a special form of mirroring.conscious fawning.Let’s say the narcissist thatyou’re dealing with is talkingabout some rubbish thing, sometopic that you’re not interested in.Cricket, let’s say, football,or some other stuff.You do not want to talk about it, butyou’re not going to make it obvious.You are going to expand on their pointand say, Oh yeah, that’s the case.That’s what I have observed as well.You have to become a partof their shared fantasy.Their fantasy is basedon delusional constructs.There is no truth to any of them.You know it, but you don’thave to tell them that.Your goal is to get what you want.You only go in therewith an outcome in mind.You just don’t mindlessly playthis game because what’s the point?You’re going to exhaust yourself.So when you go in there,you need to have a reason.Why am I consciously fawning?Why am I mirroring their intellect?Why am I agreeing with their worldview?Because I want them to sayyes to something, I will bepresenting as a request later.That is what you should focus on.
Chapter 5: Creating an Illusion of Control
Sharing is caring!
Number five in the last one, makethem think they are in control.In hypnotherapy or covert hypnosis,there is a technique called double bind.Salesmen use it a lot.They will give you many options,two or more, but each optionwill lead to the same outcome.The problem is you won’t know that.They’ll make it seem like,Oh, you have choices.You can choose.from so many different options andyou’ll think you are the clever oneto choose the best for yourself.It’s a very clever technique thatmakes you choose what works for theperson who’s offering these choicesthat are fundamentally familiaror they benefit them the same way.So you will do the same thing.Let’s say, You want to go ona vacation and you have chosena few spots for yourself.You are going to present them,not as your choices, because theydon’t care about your choices.You are going to, number one, firstmake them about your children, thatyour child, the golden child, ifthere is one, or the one that’sliked the most by that narcissist.will present those choices on your behalfthat so and so wants to go to these,one, one of these places, you choose.Then they will choose thinking,oh, they have the power.They have decided for you, whenin reality, they didn’t choose.They only picked one from thelist that anyhow works for you.Another example that I give often, let’ssay you are in a financial battle, you’retrying to settle with a narcissist.They’re, they’re not willing.You don’t go in asking theamount that you actually want.You will ask for, let’s say, five,six times more than the actual amount.Let’s say you want five million dollars.You will not ask for fivebecause they won’t give you five.You will go for 10, 2x, or 15.More, knowing that person doesn’thave that kind of money or theywon’t give you that in any case.But they will bring it down.You might not even get 5, but around 5, 4.5, 4, something like that.Making them think they have won, theyare in control, and you have lost.So you have to sit with yourself.You have to ask, how can I createan illusion of control for thisnarcissist without trapping myself?What options can I offer?That will make them think they arechoosing for us when it’s me whois making them make these choices.
Conclusion
Sharing is caring!
In conclusion, I’m not asking you tobecome a narcissist, of course not.What I’m asking you to do is playsmart with that narcissist, withoutfully embodying those traits.You have to play these games becauseif you were to just be honest,cordial, respectful, and um, totallytransparent, you’re not going to win.You have to go in and you have tokeep your cards close to your chest.Let them make a moveand then you make yours.They should be the one initiatingthe process, because by doing soyou will create unpredictability,and when there is unpredictability,narcissist acts stupidly.That’s what you want.They do something reallyrandom, unexpected, no matterhow intelligent they are.And then, you gotta make your move.That’s how narcissist.Let me know if you have used any ofthese tactics, and if they helped.Share your experiences in the commentsbelow and I will talk to you inthe next one until then as alwaysLet the healing begin and continue
Sharing is caring!
