The silent treatment is a form of passive-aggressive emotional abuse where someone doesn’t say anything but instead communicates their feelings through body language. They may remain silent for days or even weeks. This behavior is a manipulative tactic, a way for the abuser to send a damaging and negative message without speaking a word.
There are various ways people use these manipulative tricks—it can be overt or covert, done in public or private. When a narcissist uses the silent treatment, they completely stop talking to you. But what drives them to stay quiet like this?
Three Main Reasons Why Narcissists Use the Silent Treatment
As many of you know, narcissists are clever manipulators. When they go silent, it’s not just because they’re upset; there’s often more to it. When a narcissist stops talking to the people around them, multiple factors may be at play.
1. They Feel Uncomfortable with How Things Are Playing Out
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Narcissists often go silent when they feel uncomfortable in a situation or with a person who threatens their sense of control.
Narcissists thrive on being the center of attention. They feel most secure when they know how events will unfold because it allows them to prepare the “perfect” mask to gain maximum admiration. However, when things don’t go as planned—like meeting someone more attractive or charismatic—they may feel threatened and choose to withdraw.
If someone else becomes the center of attention, the narcissist becomes angry or uncomfortable. They might close themselves off and remain quiet. If you ask why they’re so silent, they might claim they’re tired or feeling unwell.
This behavior stems from their frustration at being sidelined. They may even target the person who “stole” the attention, blaming them for making them feel insecure or angry.
2. They Want You to Approach Them First
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Another reason narcissists use the silent treatment is to manipulate you into chasing them.
When things aren’t going as they hoped, they may choose silence to express their disappointment. The goal is to make you feel guilty, prompting you to apologize and work hard to cheer them up. Narcissists enjoy seeing you make the effort—it gives them a sense of power and value.
They’ll play this game whenever they’re bored in a relationship or disappointed with you. By keeping silent, they gauge how their behavior affects you and whether they still have control over you. For them, it’s all about the thrill of manipulation.
It’s essential to avoid becoming emotionally attached to people like this, as their primary goal is to make you feel bad and ruin your peace of mind.
3. They Are Planning Their Next Scheme
Narcissists often retreat into silence because they’re focused on their next move.
Whether they’re plotting revenge on someone who hurt them or strategizing how to secure a new source of admiration, they become quiet and introspective during this phase. Their silence can feel suspicious, and they may appear more reserved or distant.
When disturbed during this “planning mode,” narcissists are prone to irrational outbursts or conflict. If they’re preparing to discard someone—perhaps after finding a new supply—they stop love-bombing and shift into full discard mode.
During these times, they put significant effort into perfecting their schemes, whether it’s to win over a new admirer or execute a calculated exit. Any attempt to approach them during this period may be seen as an invasion of their plans.
Conclusion
These are the three main reasons why narcissists use the silent treatment:
- They feel uncomfortable and threatened.
- They want to manipulate you into chasing them.
- They’re strategizing their next move.
In some cases, their silence may simply be a way to annoy you, plan something, or observe your reaction. However, it’s important to understand that their silence isn’t due to feelings of hopelessness, shame, or regret. Narcissists only feel better about themselves when they make others unhappy.
If you’ve ever encountered someone like this, don’t mistake their silence for genuine emotion. Instead, recognize it for what it is—a calculated form of manipulation.
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