Dealing with death can be difficult. Whether you loved the person or wished to distance yourself from them, it is never exactly what you expect when that time approaches. The emotions you anticipate experiencing are often more complex than you initially imagined. Death is not usually a comfortable topic, but it is an inevitable one.
Today, I want to talk about the Dying Narcissist and what you can expect from them. Dealing with a dying narcissist can be just as stressful as dealing with one in their prime. Even on the brink of death, they often lack redeeming qualities, and it is rare for a narcissist to approach the end of their life with genuine remorse for their actions. As I explain in this video, their regrets in old age often focus on the things they didn’t achieve and on blaming others for their failures.
Important Considerations
When dealing with a narcissist in their final moments, it’s essential to keep in mind that their unique psychological makeup can influence how they process dying and interact with others during this delicate time.
How Narcissists Feel About Death
Narcissists fear and despise death. They hate that they must die like everyone else, as it challenges their delusions, sense of grandiosity, and fragile ego. One of the first things you can expect from a dying narcissist is an intensified fear of losing control.
More Demands
Control is everything to a narcissist, and they will struggle with the loss of control that comes with dying. To combat this, and if they are physically able, they are likely to become even more manipulative and demanding. They may attempt to assert dominance over their circumstances or those around them more than ever.
Denial
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Another common behavior is denial. They may deny that they are dying, deny their wrongdoings, and even deny that their lifestyle choices contributed to their current condition. Instead of sadness or fear, you are more likely to encounter defensiveness and anger. There will be no apologies—only contempt. They may even try to make you feel guilty, shifting the burden of blame onto you while refusing to acknowledge their own shortcomings.
Attention & Validation
A dying narcissist will still crave constant attention and validation. Even on their deathbed, they will seek to be the center of attention. Expect dramatic statements, exaggerated expressions of pain, or demands for reassurance about their worth or legacy. They may attempt to rewrite history, casting themselves as either a hero or a victim to highlight their achievements or perceived mistreatment by others.
Blame & Resentment
Narcissists often lash out and blame others for their condition, viewing death as a personal injustice or betrayal. They may throw accusations at those around them, expressing bitterness, particularly toward individuals they feel “failed” them. The harsh reality of their imminent death, while others remain alive, may amplify their resentment.
Lack of Peace
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Finally, you should not expect peace from a dying narcissist. They struggle to accept their mortality, as it contradicts their sense of invincibility or specialness. They may even go out of their way to leave those around them feeling anxious, guilty, or inadequate. Peace is not something they possess, so it is not something they can give. Closure or apologies are unlikely.
Conclusion: Prioritize Yourself
Being aware of these dynamics can help you navigate this challenging time with empathy and emotional resilience. If you must deal with a dying narcissist, remember to maintain your boundaries or set new ones to protect your emotional well-being. Their personality traits are unlikely to change, even in the face of death.
If their behavior becomes overwhelming, seek support. Prioritize your mental health and well-being because, to the very end, the narcissist may continue to manipulate or hurt others if given the chance.
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