When a narcissist is around children, they unleash their darkness, fully manifest their true evil selves without limitations, and exploit these innocent beings by unleashing their inner demons. They prove themselves to be predators devoid of empathy. They play mind games that these poor souls do not have the skills or capabilities to recognize, making it extremely difficult for them to survive the abuse.
Number One: Narcissists Turn Children into Mini Adults
Narcissists turn children into mini adults by burdening them with responsibilities they may not be ready to handle. What responsibilities am I referring to? Emotional, physical, psychological, and mental responsibilities—such as turning a child into a mediator, therapist, or confidante, or using them for physical labor.
I have personally experienced this. For my mother, I was the ultimate therapist, absorbing her pain like a sponge. She shared secrets about my father that I shouldn’t have known, crying and complaining without taking action. I was also a mediator, tasked with helping them reconcile, begging them to settle their conflicts for our sake. I was a confidant, expected to keep secrets from the other party. For physical labor, my father used me like a donkey, demanding continuous work in the kitchen garden. We were not allowed to play or have “me time,” no matter how hot it was or how tired we felt. At the end of the day, we had to beg him for just an hour of play.
The painful truth is that when raised by a narcissistic parent, your childhood is lost. You never experience a happy childhood; they steal your innocence, creativity, and everything you should enjoy as a child. People often say, “Oh, you are so mature for your age. How do you know so much?” Well, I have been through hell—something I never wished for. This is why I had to grow up quickly. They turn you into a mini adult; you may be living in a child’s body, but you have the brain of an adult. You learn to understand complex subjects and pick up emotions, even when you lack the vocabulary for them. This is an adaptation—survival. You become your parent’s caretaker, and as crazy as it sounds, they turn into your child because they don’t act like a parent.
Number Two: Differential Treatment of Children by Narcissists
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This one is heartbreaking. Narcissists give differential treatment to children based on outcomes. They can be cold to their own children while being kind to the children of others. They want to be seen as great parents, seeking praise and validation from those children. But why don’t they treat you the same way? Because the supply they gain from you is readily available; they know how to get it. With other children, they have to manufacture the outcome.
When your parent exhibits this behavior, you may think, “Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I need to achieve more or be like that child to receive love.” You try, but that day never comes. This tells us that they know how to treat their children well; they just choose not to because they know you will always be there under their control.
Number Three: Narcissists Spoil Children to Alienate the Sane Parent
Narcissists spoil their children to gain support, especially if the other parent is sane. They aim to alienate the children from the other parent. For example, if a child wants to watch a show instead of doing homework, the narcissistic parent might say, “So what? It’s just a cartoon.” This minimization conditions the child to think, “This parent is so nice to me; they care.”
This wiring shapes the child’s perception of reality, making them unable to understand the need for structure in life. The narcissistic parent blames the other parent for being too strict, further distancing the child from them. This proves one thing: they do not genuinely love their children; they only love having control over them.
Number Four: Narcissists Enable the Child’s Abuser
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Narcissists enable the child’s abuser. If a relative sexually abuses you and you tell your narcissistic parent, instead of supporting you, they may dismiss your experience, saying it was your fault or that you must have done something to provoke it. They might even gaslight you, claiming it never happened.
If you’ve experienced something like this, please share your story in the comments if you feel comfortable. It may help validate other survivors. They will consistently side with the abuser, maintaining a positive relationship with them and exposing you to danger.
Number Five: Lack of Physical and Emotional Boundaries
Narcissistic parents have no physical or emotional boundaries. They often do not respect the limits that should exist between a parent and child. They may discuss inappropriate topics or behave in ways that make a child uncomfortable, assuming the child won’t understand.
For example, a narcissistic parent might openly use explicit language or engage in intimate behavior in front of children, disregarding their developing identities. When the child later expresses discomfort, the parent may react negatively, normalizing inappropriate behavior and failing to respect the child’s boundaries.
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