This one is heartbreaking. Narcissists give differential treatment to children based on outcomes. They can be cold to their own children while being kind to the children of others. They want to be seen as great parents, seeking praise and validation from those children. But why don’t they treat you the same way? Because the supply they gain from you is readily available; they know how to get it. With other children, they have to manufacture the outcome.
When your parent exhibits this behavior, you may think, “Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I need to achieve more or be like that child to receive love.” You try, but that day never comes. This tells us that they know how to treat their children well; they just choose not to because they know you will always be there under their control.
Number Three: Narcissists Spoil Children to Alienate the Sane Parent
Narcissists spoil their children to gain support, especially if the other parent is sane. They aim to alienate the children from the other parent. For example, if a child wants to watch a show instead of doing homework, the narcissistic parent might say, “So what? It’s just a cartoon.” This minimization conditions the child to think, “This parent is so nice to me; they care.”
This wiring shapes the child’s perception of reality, making them unable to understand the need for structure in life. The narcissistic parent blames the other parent for being too strict, further distancing the child from them. This proves one thing: they do not genuinely love their children; they only love having control over them.
Number Four: Narcissists Enable the Child’s Abuser
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