Contrary to popular belief, narcissists can be quite foolish in many ways. People often assume they are clever or intelligent to a certain degree. However, if you understand how to handle them and know how to navigate the situation, you can stay two steps ahead.
You may ask, “Why play their game? Why not just leave?” The truth is, leaving isn’t always an option. It’s not always that simple. In certain situations, you have to tolerate their behavior. In such cases, knowing which buttons to push can prevent them from overpowering you.
Sign 1: Mastering the Art of Emotional Manipulation
The first sign is mastering the art of using their emotions to influence their behavior. You know how to elicit the right emotional responses to get them to act in a way that benefits you.
Example 1: Escaping Persistent Attention
Imagine a narcissist constantly texting, hoovering, and invading your space, ignoring all your boundary-setting attempts. Instead of resisting, which fuels their thrill for the chase, you change your approach. You tell them, “I’m still stuck on you. I can’t move on. I miss you so much.” This strategy flips the dynamic because narcissists lose interest when you appear readily available—they thrive on the chase, not the prize.
Example 2: Making Decisions for Children
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If a narcissist values their children’s achievements for vanity, you can frame decisions to align with their ego. For instance, if you want your child to attend a specific school, instead of directly stating your preference, highlight the school’s prestige and how it benefits the child. Appeal to their delusions of grandeur, making it seem like their idea.
Example 3: Choosing Vacation Destinations
If deciding on a vacation spot leads to conflict, create a list of your preferred locations and subtly devalue options you dislike. Present the benefits of your choices in a way that appeals to their narcissistic criteria, ensuring they align with your preferences.
Sign 2: Conditioning Behavior with Drip Supply
Drip supply involves limiting the attention or “supply” you give them. Narcissists crave validation, but if it’s freely available, they lose interest. Instead, reward desirable behavior and withhold attention during undesirable actions.
Example:
When they act out, withdraw your presence, use brief responses like “okay” or “I see,” and avoid emotional engagement. This intentional gray-rocking signals that their behavior won’t yield the desired response. When they behave appropriately, acknowledge and reward them, reinforcing positive actions through operant conditioning.
Sign 3: Using Image and Reputation Against Them
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Narcissists care deeply about their image. Use this to your advantage by framing your needs as opportunities to bolster their reputation. For example, when proposing a decision for your child, emphasize how it reflects their role as a great parent. Tap into their fear of being judged negatively by others to influence their actions.
Sign 4: Discovering the Narcissist’s Trut
Narcissists often project their actions onto others. If they accuse you of something, it’s often a reflection of their behavior. By listening carefully and documenting their claims, you can uncover the truth behind their accusations.
Sign 5: Empowering Children to Stand Up
If children are involved, empowering them to understand and stand up to the narcissist is essential. Without labeling the narcissist, teach your children how to recognize unacceptable behavior and respond assertively. Use open-ended questions to guide them in developing their resilience and self-awareness
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