How do you handle it when a narcissist feels entitled to hit you with a cheap shot, passive-aggressive dig, or outright insult? It’s easy to say, “Don’t take it personally”—because it isn’t actually personal. But let’s be real: narcissists go for the jugular. Worse, they do it with a smug look on their face, enjoying the impact their toxicity has if and when it lands. Needless to say, not taking it personally is much easier said than done.
Of course, ignoring their behavior and taking the high road while creating distance between you and the toxic individual is always the best option. But if you can’t do that immediately, what then? Here are a few ways to make a narcissist instantly regret insulting you:
1. Maintain Eye Contact and Don’t Flinch
When you suspect someone is taking a cheap shot at you, pay attention. Let them know you’re paying attention by maintaining eye contact. Here’s the thing: bullies are often cowards at heart. This technique alone can be enough to make them backpedal or back off entirely.
However, don’t jump to conclusions. Take a moment to assess the other person’s intent. If you’re caught off guard and unsure of what just happened—especially if you don’t know the person well—consider giving them the benefit of the doubt initially. Maybe they’re socially awkward, and their anxiety is manifesting in an odd way. If that’s the case, show compassion and move on.
2. Assess Intent and Respond Accordingly
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If you discern that their intent was not malicious, let it slide. But if it’s clear they’re targeting you, it’s a different story. When you’re certain someone is coming at you with ill intent, maintain strong eye contact, keep your posture confident, and address the situation calmly. For example, you could say:
- “What do you think you’re doing?”
- “What are you trying to accomplish by saying that?”
Alternatively, make a direct statement:
- “That’s an interesting remark. I wonder why you’d feel entitled to say such a thing to me.”
Then, let silence speak volumes. Breathe deeply, hold your ground, and refuse to be drawn into their game.
3. Expose Their Behavior Subtly
Another approach is to ask them to repeat what they said:
- “Can you repeat that, please?”
This forces them to confront their own words in front of others. If they backtrack or refuse, you can simply respond:
- “That’s what I thought.”
Or:
- “I’m sorry, what was your name again?”
This communicates that their words are so inconsequential that you’re not even sure who they are.
4. Hold Your Boundaries Firmly
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Whatever you do, remain composed and unaffected on the outside, even if you’re rattled internally. Do not engage, defend yourself, or attempt to refute the insult—it’s exactly what the narcissist wants. Remember: staying calm and underreacting takes you out of the game they’re trying to play.
5. Leave or Ask Them to Leave
If the situation escalates, remove yourself or ask them to leave. No one has the right to hold you hostage in a toxic environment. Calmly but firmly tell them to leave your space if necessary.
A Personal Example
I once had a guest at my dinner table—a man my husband mistakenly invited—who made incredibly offensive comments about my home province. Calmly, I said, “You can leave now.” When he hesitated, I added, “You can use the front door or the back door. Your choice.” He left in such a hurry he could barely get his boots on.
6. Differentiate Between Friendly Teasing and Insults
Friendly banter among close friends is different. In those cases, you can laugh along. But when the remarks are clearly meant to harm or undermine, it’s time to assert your boundaries.
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