You can tell from the title of the article that there’s one-word narcissists absolutely cannot stand to hear from you. I’m going to reveal that word shortly, and I won’t keep you in suspense for too long because I don’t want to play mind games. However, before I reveal it, I want to set the stage and ask: What is it that narcissists want most in life?
Simply put, narcissists crave control. They desire dominance, superiority, and the assurance that everything will align with their preferences, cravings, and desires. They are highly self-absorbed individuals who expect you to cater to their needs and reinforce their sense of importance.
To maintain their control and dominance, narcissists employ a variety of tactics. They might argue with you to assert their opinions as ultimate truths, ignore you to make you suffer if you don’t give them the attention they crave, or invalidate your thoughts and ideas. They’ll push their selfish agendas relentlessly until you comply and often enforce double standards—what applies to you doesn’t apply to them. Whether through overt manipulation or covert sneakiness, their message remains the same: My needs are the priority.
Now, here’s the word that narcissists despise most when they attempt to dominate or control you: “Whatever.”
By saying “whatever,” you reject their need for significance and relevance. Narcissists thrive on their self-importance and want you to mirror that back to them. But responding with “whatever” undercuts their attempts to draw you into their world of control and dominance.
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Think of the Greek myth of Narcissus, who was so enamored by his reflection in a pool of water that he couldn’t look away. This is the essence of narcissism: an obsession with self, idealized notions, and a constant need for admiration. Narcissists might say things like:
- “I’m a big deal.”
- Your response: “Whatever.”
- “You need to prioritize what I want.”
- Your response: “Whatever.”
- “No one understands life like I do.”
- Your response: “Whatever.”
- “Your feelings and ideas don’t matter to me.”
- Your response: “Whatever.”
The power of “whatever” lies in its simplicity. It signals that you are no longer playing their game. Narcissists feed off emotional reactions—whether anger, sadness, or pleading—because these reactions provide them with the validation and control they seek. By disengaging and giving them the “grey rock” treatment (being as uninteresting as a grey rock), you deprive them of the attention they crave.
Narcissists are like actors on a stage, thriving on the audience’s engagement. By refusing to play your part in their performance, you take the wind out of their sails. When you disengage, you send a clear message: I won’t hand over my stability to someone unstable.
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Remember, narcissists seek “supply”—emotional reactions that validate their ego and dominance. By responding with “whatever,” you close the bar that serves their need for control and manipulation. You reclaim your energy, your self-respect, and your direction in life.
I encourage you to focus on building healthy connections with people who value mutual respect and understanding. Let the narcissist’s games pass you by, and instead, lead your life with confidence and intentionality.
For further insights and tools to deal with narcissists, feel free to visit my website, explore my workshops and books, or seek support from a licensed professional counselor.
You have better things to do with your life than play into someone else’s dysfunction. When the narcissist extends their golden invitation to join their games, let your answer be a firm, confident “no.”
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