I want to tackle an important question many of you have posed:
“If the narcissist doesn’t care about me, then why do they act the way they do?”
Many people ask, “If the narcissist really loved me, why don’t I see them reaching out? Why don’t they show me that I meant something to them?”
Let me answer these questions today: the narcissist never wanted you gone.
It’s essential to grasp this truth. For those of you who have been in long-term relationships with narcissists, it’s crucial to understand that their behaviors are deliberate and calculated. Narcissists do not play games to lose you; they toy with your life to keep you around.
Think of it as a chess game—the goal is always to win. Every action a narcissist takes is a strategic move to keep you as their emotional supply. They manipulate you, ensuring you remain tied to them mentally and emotionally, even when you’re apart.
Why They Keep You Tied
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Narcissists are strategic in pursuing “Grade A Supply.” They notice, compliment, and admire you for a reason. Their actions are calculated to ensure you stay connected, even during periods of separation. You may feel like you’re still with the narcissist, even when they’re absent, because they’ve conditioned you to think about them, seek their approval, and doubt yourself.
This manipulation is powerful. They use scenarios to keep you emotionally hooked. After devaluation and discard, they often pursue new supply but will circle back to you once their interest in the new supply fades. This cycle continues because they see you as valuable to their ego and emotional needs.
Recognizing the Game
It’s important to recognize that narcissists cannot form deep, meaningful connections like healthy individuals. They value what you bring to their life—your energy, generosity, and emotional strength—not you as a person. This explains why they may Hoover (attempt to re-engage) after months or even years of separation.
Their goal is control, not love. They keep you psychologically tied to maintain dominance over your emotions and life.
Breaking Free
To heal, you must realize the narcissist needs you more than you need them. Why return to someone who devalues and manipulates you? Their methods are designed to confuse and keep you emotionally attached.
Narcissists rarely offer closure. They exploit your hope, keeping you in emotional limbo. They believe they own you, and this entitlement drives their behavior. It’s essential to take control and lock the door on them permanently.
Healing and Moving Forward
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Letting go is difficult, but it’s a necessary step for your emotional health. Healing requires time and effort to process the pain and recognize the manipulation for what it is. Only then can you rebuild your life and find meaningful connections.
Avoid rushing into new relationships before fully healing. Narcissists often resurface when they sense you’re moving on. Their objective is to derail your progress, so it’s crucial to maintain boundaries and resist re-engagement.
Final Thoughts
Your life is too precious to be a pawn in someone else’s game. Prioritize your well-being and commit to breaking free from the cycle.
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