The most dangerous thing about a covert narcissist is their ability to feign empathy. If you are in a problem, they won’t abandon you; instead, they’ll come to you with eyes showing fake care, compassion, and concern. They use different masks to make you think they are a good person, only for you to face abuse later. Initially, they seem very kind, but as time passes and devaluation begins, their true nature emerges.
How can you differentiate a covert narcissist from a true empath?
Difference #1: False Humility vs. True Humility
Covert narcissists pretend to be humble, while true empaths are genuinely humble.
A covert narcissist might say, “Oh, it’s not a big deal. I don’t think I’m special,” but deep down, they crave validation. They want you to respond with, “No, you’re amazing! You’ve done so much!” This fuels their ego and reinforces their need for external praise.
In contrast, empaths exhibit true humility. When they say, “It’s not that special,” they genuinely feel that way. They don’t seek validation or weaponize humility to gain attention.
Difference #2: Helping to Control vs. Helping to Heal
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A covert narcissist helps to control, while a true empath helps to heal.
For example, a covert narcissist may support you during tough times—like a divorce or loss—only to hold it over your head later. They might say, “Don’t forget when I was there for you. Now you owe me.” Their help always comes with strings attached.
Empaths, on the other hand, help selflessly. They offer support to create balance in your life without expecting anything in return. Their help is genuine and rooted in compassion.
Difference #3: Performative Listening vs. Heartfelt Listening
Covert narcissists listen to perform, while empaths listen to connect.
A covert narcissist listens just enough to redirect the conversation back to themselves. For example, if you share your pain, they might respond, “Oh, that’s tough, but let me tell you about my struggles.” They seek to be the center of attention, even in moments of your vulnerability.
True empaths, however, listen with their hearts. They don’t interrupt or make it about themselves. Their presence alone can provide healing, creating a safe and supportive environment.
Difference #4: Self-Centered Overwhelm vs. Genuine Concern
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A covert narcissist’s emotional overwhelm revolves around themselves, while an empath’s concern focuses on others.
For instance, a covert narcissist might claim, “I couldn’t sleep last night worrying about you,” but it’s often a ploy for attention. Their “concern” is superficial and self-serving.
Empaths, however, show genuine concern. They go out of their way to resolve issues and improve relationships, often at their own expense. Their concern is consistent and heartfelt.
Difference #5: Hyper-Critical Nature vs. Compassionate Acceptance
Covert narcissists are hyper-critical and judgmental, while empaths are accepting and compassionate.
Covert narcissists may act accepting in public but ridicule and criticize others privately. They zoom in on flaws to justify devaluing others.
In contrast, empaths see flaws as opportunities for growth. They focus on the positives and accept people as they are. Their compassion fosters trust and healing.
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