Imagine being in a romantic relationship with someone who constantly recounts their traumatic past. They might tell you about being betrayed by an ex, abandoned by family, or enduring unimaginable hardships. At first, your heart aches for them, and you may even feel compelled to step in and be their savior.
But as time goes on, you start to notice a pattern: their hardships never seem to improve, no matter how much you give or how hard you try to help. If you point out inconsistencies in their stories or express your own needs (heaven forbid), they twist the narrative. Suddenly, you’re the bad guy for being “insensitive,” “unkind,” or even “abusive.”
Over time, you find yourself walking on eggshells, always trying to prove that you’re not like the people who hurt them before. This is how they gain control—by making you feel responsible for their happiness and well-being.
The Lack of Accountability
One of the most dangerous aspects of this tactic is how it allows female narcissists to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Everything becomes someone else’s fault.
- If they lash out at you, it’s because they were “triggered” by past trauma.
- If they fail to meet obligations, it’s because they were “too overwhelmed.”
You’re left feeling guilty for even thinking about holding them accountable. Over time, this dynamic erodes your self-esteem and confidence. You begin to question your own perceptions, needs, and even your identity.
Divide and Conquer
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