As crazy as this may sound, a narcissist can control you even after their death. Sometimes, they can haunt you from their grave. I know that sounds scary, but I’ll explain how they do so.
1. Legacy of Chaos: Narcissists’ Posthumous Control
Narcissists maintain control through the legacy they leave behind. Narcissists are unjust—they never divide assets fairly. They often design wills in a confusing way to ensure that those entitled to inheritances fight like cats and dogs. It’s like a chess game for them, and it thrills them to think, “When I’m gone, my children will still be thinking about me. My rules will confuse them, and the mystery will keep me in their minds.”
Most parents aim to ensure peace among their children by clearly dividing assets. Narcissists, however, do the opposite, creating chaos that traumatizes everyone involved. For example, they might set conditions like, “If you stay with me, don’t go no-contact, and take care of me, you’ll get a bigger share.” Shockingly, they might make similar promises to others, fueling misunderstandings and greed.
When they die, nothing turns out as promised. You may discover they’ve left you nothing, not even a single penny, despite your efforts to care for them. This betrayal leaves you feeling foolish, but it’s not your fault. It’s the narcissist’s rotten soul, which thrives on chaos, even in death. They may leave behind cryptic letters or hide assets, ensuring prolonged legal battles. Their intent is clear: to create conflict and control even after death.
2. Emotional Burden: Confusion and Guilt
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Narcissists often place the heaviest burden on the family scapegoat, forcing them to assume responsibilities they never wanted. They may guilt-trip you into becoming their medical power of attorney, crying crocodile tears to manipulate you into saying yes. “You’re the only one I trust,” they might say, knowing you’re an empath who just wants to help.
After their death, the emotional toll becomes evident. Flying monkeys and enablers criticize your decisions, adding to your stress. You’re left feeling exhausted, betrayed, and consumed by guilt for not setting boundaries earlier. However, this guilt is misplaced. You acted out of kindness and compassion. It’s important to release that guilt and remind yourself that you’re allowed to feel relief after the passing of someone so toxic.
3. Symbolic Triggers: The Lingering Presence
Narcissists leave symbolic triggers intentionally. They might store belongings in a storage unit to be delivered to you after their death, ensuring you’re constantly reminded of them. Suddenly, you’re surrounded by their possessions—their favorite cup, photographs, clothes, or office papers.
These items trigger memories, panic attacks, and nightmares. You might feel guilty about discarding them but conflicted about keeping them. This confusion keeps you stuck, as though they’re still present in your life. These symbolic triggers are another way they maintain control, even in death.
4. Funeral Drama: The Final Act
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A narcissist’s funeral is often a dramatic event. If you cry or show pain, it may be interpreted as an insult to their memory. Conversely, they may have restricted your entry to their funeral altogether, denying you the chance to say goodbye. This bitterness exemplifies their nature.
At the funeral, you’ll encounter various groups: enablers performing dramatic grief, opportunists awaiting the inheritance, and others just there out of obligation. Few, if any, genuinely grieve the narcissist. They leave behind no positive legacy, only pain and confusion, ensuring they remain in everyone’s thoughts even after death.
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