In a healthy relationship, it’s normal to imagine that in any disagreement, both parties can share some responsibility. It’s unrealistic to think one person is 100% blame-free while the other is 100% at fault. There’s always something both partners can learn, improve on, or recognize in themselves. The purpose of blame-shifting is to take the spotlight off the narcissist and place it on you.
Number two is projection. Narcissists use projection to avoid looking at themselves as the problem. They project their own flaws onto you. For example, if they’re name-calling, they’ll accuse you of name-calling. If they’re selfish, they’ll say you’re selfish. This not only keeps them from examining their own behavior but also causes emotional frustration for you because you know what they’re accusing you of isn’t true. The strategy behind projection is to take your focus off their behavior and keep you busy trying to prove them wrong.
Number three: Word salad. Narcissists will bring up something completely unrelated, making no logical sense, and your mind gets stuck trying to make sense of it. You think you’re dealing with a logical person, but there’s no logic in their tactics. Once they start using word salad—hopping from topic to topic in an unintelligible manner—you lose focus on the original issue, and their strategy works.
Number four: Gaslighting. Narcissists use gaslighting by denying they said something or accusing you of saying things you didn’t. They lie so convincingly that you start to doubt yourself. This tactic makes you question your reality, which is exactly what the narcissist wants—to keep you focusing on yourself instead of their manipulative behavior.
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