2. They Want You to Live Through a False Self
Narcissists live through a false self, a façade polished to impress others rather than rooted in authenticity. They can’t tolerate the idea of you living as your authentic self, so they work to undermine your autonomy.
By shaming and invalidating you whenever you express your perspective or individuality, they erode your sense of inner safety. Over time, this forces you into a “protective self,” a false identity formed as a trauma response. Living in this state distances you from your true self, leaving you feeling inauthentic and disconnected.
3. They Want You to Waste Energy Proving the Truth
Narcissists are expert manipulators who often lay the groundwork to portray you as the problem long before the relationship ends. After the breakup, they rely on smear campaigns to paint themselves as the victim and you as the abuser.
If you focus your energy on trying to prove your truth, you play into their hands. They thrive on your attention, even if it’s negative, because it keeps you from moving on.
How to Avoid Falling Into These Traps
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