Narcissists don’t truly know who they are, and they seek external validation to fill the emptiness within. When they no longer receive this from you, they’ll often resort to tactics like hoovering—trying to draw you back with promises of change or attempts to evoke nostalgia.
Consider this: Can someone genuinely change in a matter of weeks or months? True self-improvement takes years of dedicated effort and therapy, which many narcissists avoid because they don’t believe anything is wrong with them. Their promises of change are usually superficial attempts to regain control.
If hoovering doesn’t work, they may escalate to a smear campaign, spreading lies to damage your reputation and make themselves feel superior. This tactic is another form of control, designed to undermine your confidence and keep you engaged with their narrative.
Another common behavior is feigned indifference. They’ll act as if you never mattered and flaunt new relationships or achievements. However, this is also about validation—it’s not genuine happiness or growth.
Dealing with these behaviors is challenging, but the best approach is to focus on your own healing. Minimize contact, rely on your support system, and remind yourself why you chose to leave. People who truly care about you would never jeopardize your well-being or make you question your worth.
Remember, moving on is about reclaiming your life and happiness. Stay strong and focused on your journey forward.
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