What do most experts on narcissism say about leaving a narcissist feeling regretful?
Go no contact, set boundaries with them, and focus on yourself—these are the things you often hear, aren’t they? While those steps are fundamental, there are some completely unexpected actions you can take that leave a narcissist reeling in ways they never anticipated.
These actions are not about revenge or stooping to their level. No, they are about reclaiming your power in a way so unique that the narcissist is left spinning. Today, we’re going to talk about five of these actions.
1. Living Authentically and Unapologetically
One of the most unexpected ways to leave a narcissist regretful is by embracing your authentic self—not just quietly, but unapologetically.
Why? Because narcissists thrive on making you doubt yourself. They want you to second-guess your every move, tone yourself down, and live in a constant state of insecurity.
Living authentically means wearing what you love, saying what you mean, and pursuing dreams you suppressed while under their control. It’s laughing loudly, even when they called your laughter annoying. It’s dancing, even though they mocked your moves. It’s embracing your hobbies, like I did when I got two cats after cutting ties with my narcissistic family.
Narcissists see themselves as the center of your world. When they see you thriving as your true self, without needing their approval, it feels like a personal defeat. Every time you show up as your authentic self, you prove their opinion holds no power over you anymore.
2. Maintaining Calm in the Face of Their Drama
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Narcissists want reactions—anger, tears, frustration, chaos. They thrive on pulling you into their storm to feel powerful.
But when you respond to their drama with absolute calm, it flips their entire playbook upside down. Imagine this: the narcissist throws a tantrum, accuses you of things you didn’t do, or baits you into an argument. Instead of reacting, you calmly say, “I see what you’re trying to do, and it’s not going to work on me anymore,” and walk away.
This calmness makes them feel small. Narcissists rely on your emotional reactions to validate their sense of control. Without that, they’re left with their insecurities, unable to blame you for their feelings.
3. Choosing Silence Over Confrontation
It may seem counterintuitive, but one of the most powerful actions is to stop explaining, defending, and engaging altogether. Silence is not weakness—it’s strategy.
Narcissists want you to keep talking so they can twist your words, play the victim, or rewrite the narrative. When you choose silence, you take away their power to manipulate.
Stop seeking closure, stop explaining your decisions, and stop giving them attention. By doing this, you send a clear message: You are no longer important to me.
4. Forgiving Yourself for Staying Too Long
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Many survivors regret staying in a toxic relationship for too long, but forgiving yourself is liberating.
When you release the shame and guilt, you take back control. Narcissists want you to stay wounded because it gives them power. Self-forgiveness robs them of that power and forces them to confront their role in your pain, even if they never admit it.
5. Thriving in Ways They Cannot Control
The most satisfying and unexpected action is thriving after the narcissist is gone.
True thriving isn’t just about surface-level success like getting a new job or relationship. It’s about rebuilding your life in an authentic, joyful way. Pursue passions they tried to suppress, nurture healthy relationships, and find peace they never thought you could have.
When you thrive, you shatter their fantasy that you needed them. Their underestimation of you becomes their regret.
These actions all center on one thing—your growth. When you live authentically, remain calm, choose silence, forgive yourself, and thrive, you reclaim your power. You send a clear message: You failed to break me.
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