In this discussion, I will cover what happens when you discard a narcissist—not just in romantic relationships, but also with narcissistic friends and family members. Specifically, we will explore discards that the narcissist neither expected nor wanted. I’ll delve into their possible reactions and what’s going on in their minds when such a discard takes place.
Narcissists possess a massive sense of entitlement, which extends to how and when a relationship should end. They want to control every aspect of your life and believe they alone have the right to dictate the fate of the relationship. So, when you take the initiative to discard a narcissist or remove them from your life, they take great offense.
Discarding a narcissist is a surefire way to inflict a narcissistic injury because they view it as a direct attack on their ego and their false sense of self.
What Happens When You Discard the Narcissist?
continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
When discarded, narcissists often play the victim. They may act vulnerable and sad in public, garnering sympathy, while scheming against you in private.
How you discard a narcissist also plays a significant role in the extent of the damage. Whether you publicly humiliate them or quietly walk away, the narcissist will respond with shock, anger, and shame. To mask these feelings, they often play the victim, shifting blame to you and dissociating themselves from the shame of rejection.
In their minds, no excuse for discarding them is valid. They will deny or minimize any issues you raise and claim they were in control, happy, and doing their best. They might even tell others that they loved you more than anyone could, painting you as ungrateful, selfish, and unreasonable.
What Influences the Narcissist’s Response?
A narcissist’s response to a discard largely depends on whether you were a primary, secondary, or lower source of supply.
When a Primary Source Discards the Narcissist:
If you were their primary source of supply, the narcissist will fight tooth and nail to win you back. They may enlist “flying monkeys” (people who help them manipulate you), plead for reconciliation, or engage in dramatic displays like threatening self-harm.
A primary source discard can drive a narcissist to “rock bottom,” where they may briefly consider changing their behavior if it means regaining you. However, in some cases, they may retreat into hiding due to the humiliation.
When a Secondary Source Discards the Narcissist:
If you were a secondary source of supply, expect relentless slander and attempts to discredit you. They will rally their flying monkeys to damage your reputation and play the victim to gain sympathy.
continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
When a Lower Source Discards the Narcissist:
For lower sources, narcissists often move on quickly, leveraging backup sources of supply to maintain their inflated ego. They might pretend to be unbothered, act happier, or make it seem like they are better off without you. However, they often assume they can get you back when it suits them.
Ultimately, the value you provided as a source of supply determines how deeply the narcissist feels the injury.
What the Narcissist Thinks About the Discard
When discarded, the narcissist’s thoughts revolve around their sense of entitlement:
- “How dare you discard me?”
- “Who do you think you are?”
The narcissist neither forgives nor forgets, so revenge often lingers in their mind.
Conclusion
Discarding a narcissist ensures they will never forget you. While they may appear to move on quickly to secure new sources of supply, this doesn’t mean they’ve forgotten you or are truly over the discard.
An unexpected discard inflicts a deep narcissistic injury, often leading to rage, shame, or denial. This occurs because the narcissist perceives the loss of control as an existential threat.
For your safety and peace of mind, it’s crucial to establish zero contact or limited contact after discarding a narcissist. Leaving any door open may allow them to return at the earliest opportunity.
Sharing is caring!
