When discarded, narcissists often play the victim. They may act vulnerable and sad in public, garnering sympathy, while scheming against you in private.
How you discard a narcissist also plays a significant role in the extent of the damage. Whether you publicly humiliate them or quietly walk away, the narcissist will respond with shock, anger, and shame. To mask these feelings, they often play the victim, shifting blame to you and dissociating themselves from the shame of rejection.
In their minds, no excuse for discarding them is valid. They will deny or minimize any issues you raise and claim they were in control, happy, and doing their best. They might even tell others that they loved you more than anyone could, painting you as ungrateful, selfish, and unreasonable.
What Influences the Narcissist’s Response?
A narcissist’s response to a discard largely depends on whether you were a primary, secondary, or lower source of supply.
When a Primary Source Discards the Narcissist:
If you were their primary source of supply, the narcissist will fight tooth and nail to win you back. They may enlist “flying monkeys” (people who help them manipulate you), plead for reconciliation, or engage in dramatic displays like threatening self-harm.
A primary source discard can drive a narcissist to “rock bottom,” where they may briefly consider changing their behavior if it means regaining you. However, in some cases, they may retreat into hiding due to the humiliation.
When a Secondary Source Discards the Narcissist:
If you were a secondary source of supply, expect relentless slander and attempts to discredit you. They will rally their flying monkeys to damage your reputation and play the victim to gain sympathy.
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