If you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist, you know their behavior typically progresses through three stages: idealization, devaluation, and hoovering. Hoovering refers to their desperate attempts to draw you back into their control after you’ve distanced yourself. Narcissists use this method to preserve their emotional supply and keep you ensnared in their web.
But what happens when a narcissist refuses to hoover—not because they no longer want you, but because they are consumed by shame?
Consider this scenario:
You’ve experienced the highs and lows of being in a relationship with a narcissist. They’ve used charm, malice, and an insatiable need for approval to manipulate and harm you. However, the situation changes: the narcissist stops trying to win you back or pull you into their chaos. Instead, they avoid you completely. This avoidance stems from shame rather than indifference.
In this post, we’ll explore why some narcissists choose not to hoover. We’ll delve into how their deeply-rooted guilt—often hidden behind layers of denial—affects their behavior. You’ll discover how shame influences their drive for control and manipulation, as well as why they frequently avoid confronting their vulnerabilities.
Understanding Shame in Narcissists
continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
