From the outside, a narcissist’s avoidance may seem perplexing. You might expect them to hoover—begging for attention, making promises to change, or attempting to guilt-trip you. Instead, they withdraw, immersing themselves in their inner turmoil.
This behavior does not indicate apathy. In truth, they care deeply about maintaining their illusion of power and control. The prospect of rejection damages their belief in their own superiority. To narcissists, preserving the appearance of perfection is critical. Losing your validation forces them to confront their flaws—a devastating prospect.
To protect themselves, they avoid any situation that might expose their humiliation.
Shame and the Fear of Rejection
The narcissist’s avoidance stems from shame dynamics. It reflects their deep fear that they are not as perfect or invulnerable as they would like to appear.
They avoid hoovering not because they have moved on, but because they fear the emotional anguish of rejection. If they reached out to you and faced indifference or refusal, it would shatter their sense of control and compel them to confront insecurities they are not equipped to handle.
Why Narcissists Avoid Rather Than Risk Rejection
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