Narcissists often choose avoidance as a defense mechanism. They would rather forego the validation they crave than face the shame of being exposed as imperfect or powerless. This avoidance allows them to maintain their fragile sense of superiority, even at the cost of losing you.
Their sense of self-worth is not internally generated but depends entirely on how others perceive them. While most people build self-esteem through internal resources, narcissists rely on constant external validation. This dependency leaves them exceptionally vulnerable.
Shame, for narcissists, is not just an emotion; it’s an existential threat. When forced to confront their flaws, they react with intense denial and defensiveness. Rather than face their guilt, they withdraw, lash out, or shift blame.
Conclusion
Narcissists don’t avoid hoovering because they no longer care. Instead, they are trapped in a cycle of fear and shame. They crave validation but are terrified of rejection, leaving them in a state of unresolved inner conflict. Recognizing this behavior as a reflection of their emotional struggles—not indifference—can help you make sense of their perplexing actions.
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