But the truth is, without genuine love, there is no true family. Without genuine magic, there is no true magician. When you begin to view their behavior through this lens, they lose their allure. You no longer feel compelled to engage in their manipulative games. If there is no genuine love, they are not truly family.
This principle applies to any relationship—husband, wife, best friend. Without love, these titles are meaningless. The narcissist, however, prefers to distract you from this fundamental truth. They are comfortable with the little lies as long as you remain blind to their central deception: their lack of genuine care.
Once you reach the point where you can definitively say, “You don’t love me; you’re not my family, you’re not my spouse,” the illusion shatters. You realize there is no magic, no true magician.
This realization is liberating. Is it painful? Absolutely. But it’s a necessary pain—a painful truth you must accept to move forward. Once you do, you will no longer expect something from these individuals that they are incapable of providing.
In my own experience, I confronted the narcissistic individuals in my life, particularly the toxic in-laws I dealt with in California. They engaged in a constant barrage of put-downs, followed by blatant lies about their behavior. They would dismiss their hurtful comments with phrases like, “We’re just kidding,” “You’re too sensitive,” or “I never said that.” It was an endless cycle of lies upon lies.
After healing and creating distance from the situation, I realized they were not truly family because there was no genuine love. This realization was transformative. When they later attempted to reestablish contact, I was no longer affected by their negativity. Their insults and put-downs held no power over me. However, when one of them said, “I always loved you,” I was genuinely offended. I responded, “Don’t lie.”
Telling someone you love them when you don’t is the most damaging form of deception. The worst, most insidious lie that narcissists tell is not the name-calling or the fabricated stories—they’re bad enough—but the lie of love. This lie is the cage designed solely to steal your freedom.
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