Let me say it as it is: To make a narcissist unbearably unhappy, going no contact is not enough. Most people will tell you to simply cut ties, but that’s not the whole solution. They will still watch you from a distance, waiting for the opportunity to bring you down. If you don’t take action, they will rejoice in your downfall.
That’s why I’m here to guide you on how to take your life back without stooping to their level. I’ve made changes in my life that turned it into something they never imagined I could achieve—a life of freedom and peace.
Understanding Righteous Rage
In toxic relationships, whether with a partner or a parent, the dynamics are deeply unfair and unjust. Many survivors struggle with what I call “sacred rage”—a justified anger they don’t know how to process. In trying to “give it back” to the narcissist, they often end up fueling their manipulations.
Here’s what to do instead:
Step 1: Vanish from Their Life
Completely disappear from their world.
When most survivors go no contact, they block the narcissist on social media and stop talking to them. But that’s only the start. To truly vanish, you must remove yourself from their web of lies and toxicity.
- Break dependencies. Financial, emotional, or otherwise—dependency keeps you tied to them.
- Build your own life. I started with a tiny room, but it was my palace because it symbolized independence.
- Prove them wrong. They programmed you to believe you’re weak and incapable. Stand apart and reclaim your strength.
Step 2: Build an Independent Support System
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A narcissist wants you to rely on them for everything—money, validation, and emotional support—so they can control and belittle you.
Instead, build a network of people who genuinely care about you. I started with a coach and gradually formed connections with supportive friends and colleagues. These relationships transformed my healing journey.
Step 3: Stand Firm in Your Truth
Do not let anyone rewrite your story or invalidate your experiences.
For years, I betrayed myself to keep the peace. I fawned and adapted to survive. But once I chose to honor my truth, I stopped betraying myself. Did this anger people? Yes. Did it drive some away? Absolutely. But standing firm in my truth was the ultimate form of defiance.
Step 4: Love What They Made You Hate
Reclaim the passions, hobbies, and skills the narcissist ridiculed or suppressed.
For example, I was forced to suppress my love for animals. Once I had the freedom, I got cats, fish, and parrots. I explored philosophy, psychology, and other interests they tried to undermine. By embracing these parts of myself, I became the opposite of what they wanted me to be.
Step 5: Cultivate Forbidden Emotions
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Narcissists thrive on keeping you in a negative emotional state—sadness, fear, anger, or loneliness.
Start cultivating emotions they never let you feel: joy, wonder, and peace. Enjoy the simple things—a meal you cooked, a quiet moment, or a hobby you love. Build a “shrine” of joyful memories and experiences to reinforce these feelings daily.
Conclusion
Those are five ways to make a narcissist unbearably unhappy without becoming toxic yourself. Share your thoughts in the comments below, and let me know if you resonate with this.
As always, let the healing begin.
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