Today’s article is based on a request from one of my faithful subscribers. They wanted to know why narcissists say one thing and do another, and what the power dynamics behind this behavior are.
This is an excellent observation, as narcissists are well-known for being hypocritical. They often say one thing but do the opposite, contradicting what they claim to believe or feel through their actions. In public, they may project a carefully curated image, showcasing specific beliefs or behaviors, while privately acting in a completely different manner.
Being a hypocrite is standard behavior for narcissists because their actions are driven by an internal need to maintain control—not just over their image, but also over the people around them. Many of us have been taught or programmed to trust people’s words over their actions, always giving them the benefit of the doubt. Narcissists exploit this tendency, knowing exactly what to say and how to say it to appear convincing. They draw us in with false promises, compliments, and soft words to gain our trust.
I’ve created videos before about the things narcissists say to gain trust and how many of them have the gift of gab or persuasion to get people to do what they want. Even though their words don’t match their actions, they place a lot of emphasis on how they speak because they understand the power of words.
The Narcissist’s Tool of Inconsistency
The inconsistency between their words and actions is a tool narcissists use to provoke strong emotional reactions, such as confusion, frustration, or even hope. Narcissists exploit these emotions to maintain dominance.
Let’s examine some of the different power dynamics created by this inconsistency:
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