1. Preservation of Their False Self
With their words, narcissists craft a narrative that portrays them as ideal, competent, or morally superior. They say what they think others want to hear to gain trust or admiration. This often involves making promises, feigning vulnerability, or expressing fake remorse.
However, their actions eventually contradict their words because narcissists are opportunistic and self-serving. For example, they might promise kindness and loyalty but later act selfishly and deceitfully to satisfy their immediate desires. This discrepancy keeps their victims off-balance and doubting their perceptions of reality.
2. Control Through Confusion
Using gaslighting and cognitive dissonance, narcissists destabilize their targets. When their actions don’t match their words, we often end up questioning our own judgment instead of recognizing them as the hypocrites they are.
Instead of challenging their behavior, we spend time trying to make sense of their inconsistencies. This gap between words and actions allows narcissists to exploit others’ goodwill while evading accountability.
3. Testing Boundaries
By behaving inconsistently, narcissists test your boundaries to see how much they can get away with. If their actions contradict their promises and there are no consequences, they take it as a green light to escalate their manipulative behavior.
Each boundary violation becomes a power trip for the narcissist, reinforcing their belief that they are in control and untouchable. This is why it’s crucial to set firm boundaries with narcissists—and to enforce consequences when those boundaries are crossed. Without consequences, narcissists won’t hesitate to continue breaking boundaries.
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