The inconsistency between their words and actions is a tool narcissists use to evoke strong emotional reactions such as confusion, frustration, or even hope. They exploit these emotions to maintain dominance.
Now, let’s look at some of the power dynamics created by these inconsistencies between their words and actions.
1. Preservation of Their False Self
With their words, narcissists craft a narrative that portrays them as ideal, competent, or morally superior. They say what they think others want to hear to gain trust or admiration. This might involve making promises, feigning vulnerability, or expressing fake remorse. However, their actions eventually contradict their words, as narcissists are opportunistic and self-serving.
For example, they may promise kindness and loyalty, but over time, their behavior reveals selfishness and deceit, serving only their immediate desires. This discrepancy keeps others off-balance and doubting their own perception of reality.
2. Control Through Confusion
By using gaslighting and cognitive dissonance, narcissists are able to destabilize their targets. When their actions don’t match their words, we often end up questioning our own judgment rather than recognizing their hypocrisy. Instead of addressing the problem or holding them accountable, we spend time trying to make sense of their inconsistencies.
This gap between their words and actions allows narcissists to exploit the goodwill of others while evading accountability.
3. Testing Boundaries
When a narcissist behaves inconsistently, they may also be testing your boundaries to see how much they can get away with. If their actions contradict their promises and there are no consequences, they perceive this as a green light to escalate their manipulative behavior.
Each boundary violation becomes a power trip for the narcissist, reinforcing their belief that they are in control and untouchable. This is why it’s crucial to establish firm boundaries and enforce consequences whenever a boundary is broken. Without consequences, a narcissist will not be deterred from pushing or breaking your boundaries.
Final Thoughts
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