If they succeed in drawing you back, the forbidden fruit allure quickly fades, and you’re thrust back into the toxic abuse cycle. This cycle unfolds in three phases: idealization, love bombing, devaluation, and discard, punctuated by projection, gaslighting, lying, and deception. The love bombing phase initiates the cycle either for the first time or as a re-entry point after a period of separation. This is a crucial point to understand: you are being lured back into a destructive pattern of idealization, devaluation, and eventual discard.
Many are familiar with this cycle, having experienced it in various relationships—romantic, familial, and professional. It’s an undeniably painful experience, particularly for empathetic individuals who approach relationships with good intentions. If the narcissist manages to regain a foothold, they may temporarily transform into the person you initially hoped they would be. They exhibit improved behavior, saying and doing all the right things, even offering seemingly sincere apologies. You might find yourself thinking they’re finally showing up on time, being kind and respectful, and demonstrating genuine care and remorse. They make promises, hoping you’ll fall for their carefully constructed facade.
However, this improved behavior is fleeting; it’s a temporary mask. If the stakes are sufficiently high, they might maintain the charade for a few months, but inevitably, the mask slips, and the devaluation phase begins. You become the target once again, subjected to blame-shifting and projections of their own neuroses and psychoses. If you’ve allowed them back in and haven’t maintained strict no contact while engaging in your own healing process, you’ve essentially restarted the entire cycle. When you realize it’s time to escape again, you’ll be starting from square one. It doesn’t become easier with subsequent attempts; it only becomes more difficult, inflicting deeper emotional wounds, greater embarrassment, and more profound trauma.
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