Now, that said, you may very well need to learn to get comfortable with the uncomfortable silence that follows your short, clear, and succinct statement. Once you deliver your “No” statement, the most powerful thing you can do is say nothing. Let the silence that follows say it all.
And naturally, if this is new behavior for you, you might find that very awkward and uncomfortable, so again, practice when the stakes are low so that when the stakes are high, when it really matters, you can handle the discomfort without wavering. I promise you, this works.
For example, simply say “No” and let the uncomfortable silence be what it will be. Let your one-word answer, or again, the super short, succinct, clear, and simple statement land, and let the silence be what it is. Your job is to breathe, stay in your body, and hold on to yourself. You’re simply delivering information—nothing more and nothing less.
Remember, you’re approaching this like it’s a business transaction. You’re approaching it with that mindset: zero emotion in response to whatever the narcissist is throwing at you.
You can also say things like:
- “I see”
- “I hear you”
- “I understand”
- “I’ll let you know”
- “I’ll get back to you”
- “Let me see”
- “Let me think about it”
Again, short, succinct, clear, followed by silence. Used the right way, silence can be very powerful when dealing with someone who lands on the spectrum of destructive narcissism. Once you get past the discomfort, you’ll find that your silence will be far more powerful than anything you can say, so be sure to use it confidently—especially when dealing with a narcissist and especially when you’re looking to communicate as clearly as possible that you have zero power or influence over me, buddy. You’re wasting your time. I am not a good mark. This is not going to go well for you. I am not giving my power away today.
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