How can a narcissistic monster, who is so cruel, self-centered, and manipulative, appear to transform into a sweet, doting, playful caregiver when he or she is around a baby? What happens to the demon lurking beneath their surface? Is this sudden affection genuine, or is it yet another act in the never-ending play for control and supply?
The Baby as the Ultimate Toy
For a narcissist, a baby is the ultimate toy. For them, a baby is not a person with needs, feelings, and potential. Instead, the baby is a toy they can play with. It is a blank slate for them to project onto and manipulate. The baby laughs when they make funny faces, cries when they make a noise, or looks at them with wide, trusting eyes. This immediate, unquestioning, yet innocent reaction is a goldmine for a narcissist. It is pure validation and adoration with no strings attached. That baby does not criticize, challenge, or question the narcissist. They have no defenses, no voice, or any agency. For a narcissist, this is the ultimate playground, the ultimate form of supply. The baby becomes a mirror reflecting back only what the narcissist wants to see: power, control, and admiration. A baby’s giggles, smiles, and cues may be cute to you and me, but to a narcissistic monster, they are proof that they, the narcissist, are the puppet master pulling all the strings.
Idealizing Infantilization
Number two: the narcissist idealizes infantilization, and here is why. In the narcissist’s world, the baby is the epitome of a perfect relationship. How so, and why? Because the narcissist has total control. They can shape how the baby thinks, reacts, and behaves without any resistance. This is why the narcissist’s love bombing takes on a different form in this context. Unlike their adult victims, the baby does not have past experiences to compare or question the love they are receiving. The narcissist’s exaggerated affection—be it tickling, playing, or exaggerated baby talk—isn’t about love. It’s about establishing dominance and laying the groundwork for dependence. In simple words, they do all of this to keep that baby, that child, in a very underdeveloped, very vulnerable state, so that he or she keeps coming back to them. The truth be told, it’s all about experiencing the thrill that comes from successfully grooming the child and living the fantasy of raising a slave. Everything is transactional with the narcissist. If they pour love into any relationship, even though it’s fake, they expect a thousand times that in return. This love bombing that I’m talking about is short-lived. Just like in their adult relationships, the cycle of idealization and devaluation looms. The baby’s unfiltered joy fuels the narcissist’s ego, but things take an ugly turn the moment that child develops autonomy. The narcissist feels their control slipping the minute this child says no. The idealized infant suddenly becomes the problematic child, and the mask begins to crack. That shape-shifting is devastating for a child to experience.
Control Over the Child’s Reality
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