There is a good reason why people abused by narcissists have messy houses, and no, it’s not because they’re lazy or don’t care. If you’ve ever been in this situation, you know how hard it is to keep life together, let alone maintain a clean and organized home. Narcissistic abuse isn’t just an argument here or there; it’s a constant mental and emotional battle. It drains your energy, messes with your mind, and paralyzes you. It isn’t about laziness but about survival.
Today, we’re going to unpack why narcissists can make even simple tasks feel overwhelming. More importantly, we’ll examine why the mess doesn’t reflect who you are but rather what you’ve been through.
Are you ready for number one? Procrastination. When you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, procrastination can become your uninvited roommate. It’s not just about being lazy or unmotivated; it’s about how abuse rewires your emotional responses. You start avoiding tasks because they feel overwhelming. Even small chores can feel heavy. Emotional abuse creates a cycle where the fear of failure or criticism paralyzes you. According to Dr. Christine Coto, a trauma expert, survivors often develop avoidance behaviors to protect themselves from further emotional harm, which can trickle down into everyday activities like cleaning or organizing. You’re not avoiding the dishes because you don’t care; you’re avoiding the emotional weight tied to them.
Mel Robbins, author of “The 5 Second Rule,” emphasizes that procrastination isn’t about laziness—it’s about stress. You delay because the act of starting feels like stepping into quicksand. Add the anxiety of trying to meet impossible standards, and procrastination becomes a coping mechanism. You’re not messy; your brain is in survival mode.
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