Let’s talk about number two: Lack of Support. Don’t expect much help from a narcissist or even a bit of encouragement when it comes to managing the house. Narcissists thrive on control and often view housework as something beneath them or not their responsibility. They might act like it’s not their job or that it’s something they don’t need to worry about, leaving you to do everything alone. In this environment, it’s easy to feel like you’re constantly juggling responsibilities without help, which can be draining. The emotional and physical labor required to maintain a home all alone slowly chips away at your energy and motivation over time. The absence of support takes a toll, making daily tasks feel like monumental challenges. This lack of help isn’t just a logistical issue; it’s an emotional one, too. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist specializing in narcissism, explains that narcissists often dismiss their partner’s needs, leaving them feeling isolated and overwhelmed. Instead of offering, “Hey, let me help you with that,” you will likely face indifference, harsh criticism, or mocking comments. It’s as if the very act of maintaining the house becomes a battleground where you’re not just fighting clutter but the emotional weight of the abuse as well. It’s not that you can’t do it; it’s that you’re left carrying the weight of the house, your emotional well-being, and the abusive behavior on your shoulders all at once.
Let’s move on to number three: Scarcity Mindset. Narcissistic abuse can create a scarcity mindset—a constant fear of not having enough. This mindset often halts your cleaning efforts because you worry about wasting resources like cleaning supplies, energy, or time. This fear usually stems from how narcissists manipulate you into believing you don’t deserve more or that resources are limited. Financial abuse, control, or constant criticism can leave you clinging to what you have, even if it’s clutter. As therapist Shannon Thomas explains in “Healing from Hidden Abuse,” narcissists create environments where resources—emotional or physical—feel scarce, trapping their victims in survival mode. The scarcity mindset can also make it hard to let go of things because you’re afraid you might need them someday. That old pile of clothes, stacks of papers, or unused items are not clutter to you; they’re security. The problem is that holding on to these things prevents you from creating a clean, calm space.
Now let’s continue to number four: Conflict Over Shared Spaces. Tidying up shared spaces can turn into a full-blown argument when living with a narcissist. Maybe you tried organizing the living room or cleaning the kitchen, only to be met with criticism or accusations like, “Why did you move my stuff?” or “You’re doing it wrong.” Narcissists often see shared spaces as an extension of their control, and any effort you make to improve things can feel like a challenge to their authority. Over time, you start walking on eggshells and avoiding touching anything in shared areas to keep the peace. This avoidance, while understandable, can make the space feel more chaotic, which only adds to your stress. It’s not that you don’t want to clean and organize your home; the thought of another pointless fight drains your motivation. According to Shahida Arabi, author of “Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare,” narcissists use conflict to exhaust and distract their victims, making them more compliant. You may think, “If I leave it messy, at least I won’t be criticized for doing it wrong.
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
