Narcissistic abuse can make you feel so disconnected that you don’t even recognize yourself in the mirror. Simple things like brushing your hair can feel pointless because your sense of self has been broken down. Dr. Shannon Thomas in Healing from Hidden Abuse explains that narcissists tear apart your identity to control you. This leaves you doubting your worth and constantly focused on meeting their unpredictable demands or avoiding their anger. Over time, you lose touch with yourself, and self-care starts to feel like something you can’t manage.
4. Financial Abuse
Narcissists often use money to control you, making it hard to afford hair care products. Dr. Ramani Durvasula says this control forces you to depend on them and lose independence. Even if you save some money, you might avoid spending it because you’re scared of their reaction. They might call you selfish or irresponsible. Trauma expert Beverly Engel explains that abusers make you feel like you don’t deserve self-care. As a result, taking care of your hair feels financially and emotionally impossible.
5. Isolation
Narcissists want you to become their prisoner by isolating you from friends and family or making you feel so unworthy that you stop reaching out. Over time, you stop bothering to fix your hair because no one sees you anyway. Dr. Craig Malkin in Rethinking Narcissism explains that narcissists isolate others to make them feel dependent and powerless, which drains your motivation for self-care. Emotional isolation can make you feel like you don’t matter, even around people. As Dr. Judith Herman notes in Trauma and Recovery, isolation can make you feel like you’re disappearing, leaving no energy for things like hair care.
6. Dissociation
Dissociation happens when your mind disconnects from your body as a way to cope with stress, especially from being abused by a narcissist. It’s as if your mind says, “I can’t deal with this right now,” and disconnects to create a sense of emotional distance. This survival mechanism can make you feel numb, detached, or like you’re watching your life happen from the outside. Everyday tasks are easily neglected, not because you’re lazy or careless, but because you’re not fully present in the moment. Psychologist Dr. Christine Langley-Oba explains that dissociation is a survival mechanism, but it can affect our daily well-being. She highlights how this coping strategy, while protective, can disrupt even the simplest aspects of self-care and routine.
7. Hair Pulling (Trichotillomania)
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